


A soulmate is a scary thing

by SkyKathryn



Series: Soulmates - stucky [2]
Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Burns, Forbidden Soulmates, Kingdoms, Knight!Bucky, M/M, Medieval AU, Medieval Medicine, Prince!Steve, Sex, Soulmate AU, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, Stucky Big Bang 2017, Stuckybb2k12, consetual sex, growing up fic, loki x bucky sex, soul marks, stucky end game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 15:21:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11877315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyKathryn/pseuds/SkyKathryn
Summary: My post for the stucky big bang 2017. This is a prefic for Soulmates are a dangerous thing, but can be read on its own as its the start.Ever since they were kids its always been Steve and Bucky, Bucky and Steve, but after they grow up and Bucky starts realising things werent all as they seemed he starts to panic, to try and save his best friend from a fate he knows he cant outrun without letting his own fears and feelings slip. But no matter how hard he tried there was no way to outrun the plans the universe has set out for you, but you can try. Medieval au.Gorgeous art here http://archiveofourown.org/works/11834157





	A soulmate is a scary thing

The sun shone bright over the little courtyard, making the mirrored windows bounce light off the statue in the middle. Steve was sat on the windowsill, pillows propped up around him to keep the cold at bay. The playroom was bright, stained glass windows throwing the whole room into rainbow sections that kept it cheerful even with the stone walls and heavy dark door. He was on his own for once, the guards sat away from the young Prince who was grateful. He hated how close they hovered when he was drawing, made him feel al tight and claustrophobic which never helped anything come out right or smooth on the paper. He loved his friends, they were loud and funny and interesting, but it was nice to be able to be on his own every once and a while. 

His sketch book was getting full again, after hours of studying the sculpture of his grandfather he could mostly draw it from memory, and he had started to get sick of it. He wanted to go outside, sit in the grass of the gardens and draw the flowers he knew his mother loved so much. He wanted to go to the beach and feel the sand under his toes as he painted the sea, capturing the greys and blacks of the sea perfectly with the new colours his mother had bought him. The colours were so bright to him, so unlike the ones his cousin had come with, even though they had insisted it was a much brighter pallet than the one Steve had. He hated that, everyone seemed to see things differently to him, it was something he had noticed years ago, back when they were teaching him about colours as a baby but he just couldn’t bend his head around the specifics they wanted him to. They all looked the same. 

“Hello Honey.” His mother walked in, picking his small frame up to sit in his place with him in her lap, arms wrapped tightly around him as he curled up against her. 

“Hello Mama.” He pressed his face to her neck, clinging to her with all his seven-year-old strength, spindly arms wrapped around her slender waist, fiddling with the fine silk used to tie her bodice together behind her back as he settled into her, glad for the warmth.

“How is your drawing today?” Queen Sarah soothed his blond hair back from his forehead, picking up the book he had put down to hug her, handing it over so he could choose whether or not she saw it. She was good like that, never forcing or assuming things where others would, it was a nice change from his Father who assumed it was all his right as King to see what everyone had. 

“I am bored.” Steven announced, flicking to his latest pieces as his mother kept running her fingernails over his scalp. “I want something else to draw rather than Grandfather.”

“These are amazing Steven.” Sarah sighed, kissing her son’s forehead as he held the book out to her. “Your friends would allow you to draw them wouldn’t they? You like doing faces.” 

“Yeah, but they don’t sit still enough, and I draw them all the time.” Steve pouted at his mother who sighed gently, not for the first time hating his illnesses that kept him from being a normal child. “I want to go to the beach Mama, I want to play in the sea like my cousins do down on the coast. They always find the coolest things at the beach.”

“I know sweetie, maybe when the weather heats up we can try and take a trip to see them?” Sarah kissed his temple and he nodded, beaming up at her so beautifully she decided to try her hardest to get him there.

“Can James come?” He bounced in her lap ad she chuckled at his antics, rolling her blue eyes lovingly. Her son and his best friend had been basically inseparable since birth and it was the cutest thing, Whinny and herself basically had two sons because of it, they loved them both like they were their own. 

“If he is here yes I’m sure he can, but he does spend a lot of summer in Asgard with his Father doesn’t he?” he soothed his hair back as his little smile fell, suddenly not so into the idea if he didn’t have the other there with him. 

“Yeah, he does, it sucks.” He pouted and Sarah held back a chuckle, settling his art back on the side so she could bundle him up close to her. He was so small he still fit in her arms perfectly, making her more inclined to smother him whenever she got the chance. He was such a Mothers boy as well, moving into the embrace with ease and tucking his head into the crook of her neck, little hands curled into fists around her as if he could draw her closer than she was. 

“You have many years together Steven, he has to see other people, as do you.” She rocked gently from side to side, a habit that soothed him when he was a baby that she hadn’t broken out of. 

“No, we should be meeting them together.” He grumbled but at that point three children fell into the room, chattering loudly as they tended to do.

“No! I won, I got here first!” Clint shouted, shoving Tony who was pulling on his shirt, dragging him back as James rolled over them, jumping out of the way when Clint went to snatch his ankle, running over to Sarah and curling his fist in her long dress, beaming up at them, gap toothed smile adorable as he bounced on his spot. He was taller than the other three children, long hair messy down his back as he never let anyone but Steve and Sarah brush it, and he had been out roughhousing with the others so it was full of leaves and sand. 

“I got in here first and you know it!” Tony shouted, sticking his tongue out at the blond who returned the motion, letting his shirt go as he noticed the Queen sat on the window sill. 

“Sorry Your Hightness!” Clint bowed a little too low, falling forward slightly and only just catching himself before he landed on the floor. Tony chuckled at him, bowing too.

“It’s Highness you dunce.” Tony hissed, straightening his shirt and smiling cheekily at the Queen who shook her head fondly at the palace children antics. They were so cute together. 

“Hello boys, how are you today?” She smiled at them and Tony dusted off his trousers as Clint burst into a rendition of how he and Tony had snuck into the kitchens and found the pastries for the banquet this evening, narrowly avoiding being hit with a broom when the chief had spotted them. Tony puffed up like a duck when he cut in that he had in fact grabbed one and gotten to eat it. Sarah loved how all the children seemed to think of her as the fun aunty, telling her everything that they weren’t supposed to because they knew she was just as much of a trouble maker as they were when she was little. They had heard all the stories of the young Queen time and time again, Clint and Tony seemed to make it their life’s goal to be even better at it than she had been. 

“Where did you find all the leaves?” Steve sighed, reaching out of his mother’s embrace to tug them out of his best friends hair as he hopped up on the seat with them, aware that Steve couldn’t reach him if he stayed on the floor. 

“Clint dared me to jump in the leaves piled outside.” James beamed and Sarah snorted, covering her nose to try and keep some of her dignity as James shook like a dog, throwing sand and leaves everywhere. 

“James, you cannot just wind up the gardeners, you three are already banned from the orchard for throwing dropped apples at each other.” She scolded but he just chuckled, sticking his finger out to point at Tony.

“That was his fault, he hit the gardeners, no one else, he should be the only one who was banned.” James argued, getting his finger grabbed and bent back by the other brunet, yelping when it went too far. Tony just chuckled, grabbing his yoyo and practicing in the middle of the room, just so that no one could not pay attention to him.

“You three are as bad as each other and you know it.” Sarah sighed, reaching to find the comb and offering it to her son when he started trying to untangle James long locks. James turned his back to them to make it easier, knowing that Steve struggled to reach around him when he didn’t. The height difference was adorable, Steve was perfect leaning height for the other, only a year between them but James had his father’s tall genes, quickly overtaking all the others. 

“Tony is the worst.” Clint countered, picking up a book and leaning against the wall next to Sarah, pulling her dress around his shoulders to keep warm, snuggling up to her leg until he was comfortable, drawing a smile to the Queens lips. She didn’t just have one child, she had all four of them in reality. She reached down to ruffle his short hair and he smiled up at her, getting himself immersed in the fantasy land in his book.

“You should bring me back some cool leaves next time you’re out, I would like to draw them.” Steve tugged the comb gently through James hair, tongue sticking out of his mouth in concentration not to hurt him. James suddenly shifted, shoving his hand in his pocket and dragging out pile of crumpled leaves, frowning at the fact they had broken in their dried state.

“I tried.” He offered the broke leaves to Steve who chuckled half-heartedly, taking them from his hand and holding them up to the light, looking at all the different veins in the bigger pieces. “I’m sorry Steve.”

“Thank you, James.” Steve put them down on the table gently, reaching his arms around James waist from behind to hug him, face smooshed into his back. 

“I’ll not break them next time, I’ll carry them in my hands, not my pocket.” James declared, leaning back into his friend to scratch his hair affectionately before Steve pulled away, picking the comb up again until his hair was smooth and flowing once more. Sarah felt her heart constrict, adoring the connection her boys had, it was so pure, simply relaxed around each other and constantly looking out for one another. She shouldn’t be so happy about it but things were always so dire around the castle and she knew what no one else did, so she let them have their childhoods, not having the heart to hurt them. 

“Thank you James.” Steve patted his head and James turned, smiling wide at the Royals before jumping off the windowsill, grabbing Steve’s paints and bringing them over to the side, sitting on the chair on the other side of the small table with his own charcoal, sketching on the paper which they had been given, blabbering to Clint about something that they planned to do. 

“Can I go down please Mama?” Steve smiled up at her and she kissed his forehead, putting him on the floor and enjoying the quiet nattering of the children as she watched the world go by out the window.

***

“James!” The boy skidded to a halt, hearing the Queen yell his name always made him feel slightly guilty, she was his second mother after all, so he always responded as soon as he could.

“Yes Your Highness?” He plastered on his best smile, straightening his tunic as she walked over to him, unimpressed eyebrow raised as he dipped his head, shrugging slightly an watching Steve poke his head out of the playroom where she had been. He had grown in the last few years, hitting 10 was a good year for the young Prince and James couldn’t help smile at his best friend, waving around his Mother.

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” She started tapping her foot, arms crossed over her chest and he focused back on her, pointing at her son. “No, I know you were waving at Steven, why were you running like the building is on fire?” 

“Oh, I, erm, I was chasing Clint?” He tried and she just kept her gaze level as he gave in, dropping his stance and popping his hip out to rest on one leg. “I was running from the Kitchens.”

“Why were you running from the kitchens?” Sarah struggle to keep the amusement out of her voice and Steve started making faces at his best friend from the door way, making James chuckle under his breath and shoot him a death glair. “James?”

“They wouldn’t let me bring Steve any pastries.” James kicked the floor with the end of his shoe and she shook her head at him, long blond braid swinging from side to side down her back.

“Of course. This had nothing to do with Anthony or Clinton?” She only just kept the stern face but he could see her façade breaking, smirking up at her, a look she just knew was going to get him in so much trouble when he was older. 

“Nope, they were too chicken.” He puffed his chest up, chin tilting as he smirked at the Queen, a move no one else would dare. It was one of the reasons she liked him so much, being Queen had it’s downsides. 

“Of course they were, still smarting from their last knuckle raps from Cook?” She reached out and ruffled his shoulder length locks, drawing him closer to her so she could hug him, sighing as he nodded against her side, arms wrapping around her much tighter than Steve was able to. 

“Yep, I’m not scared of Cook, therefore I will be the best knight!” James declared, kissing the woman’s cheek and bouncing over to Steve, hugging him tight as the Prince yelled about no one touching him, he was ill. James merely hugged him tighter.

“You’re always ill. I am immune to all your bugs, they don’t like me.” James concluded, leading the sick prince back into the room. Sarah wandered in after them, watching as James tucked Steve into a whole nest of blankets and pillows he had thrown together, gathering his books and wiggling his way under the pile. Steve went to protest but James just wrapped an arm around his shoulders, dragging his smaller body close and letting his head rest on his chest. 

“You know that I’m warm, just take it, you’ll get better quicker if you’re warm and then you can come play.” James ordered and Steve seemed to calm down, arms wrapped around his friend as James started reading out loud about knights and dragons. It was their favourite book, Steve had illustrated it some time ago and kept lamenting that he wanted a new one so he could improve the drawings. Sarah felt her heart swell in her chest, watching the boys curl around each other, even though Steve kept sniffling and shifting because he was uncomfortable. James merely adjusted, settling until his friend was comfortable before carrying on the story as always. It was precious how they were together and it made Steve a lot calmer than he had been before. 

It was true, Steven was usually ill, usually had sore bones or a achy back, he caught all the illnesses he could and seemed to hold onto them forever, turning quickly from flu into something life threatening at least twice a year. It was taking its toll on the Queen, but James never cared, didn’t worry about it, just looked after Steve. It was such a pure form of love that it had started to dawn on the Queen that eventually they would realise that something about their relationship was different to the relationships they had with their other friends. That was a day she was dreading. That was the day she knew it would all go to hell. 

James chucked, drawing the Queen out of her mental spin and noticed that Steven was snoring gently on his friends chest, drool slipping out the corner of his mouth as he struggled to breathe and James just kept reading in his head, fingers carding through short blond locks. Yeah, the future was scary, but at least they had each other.

 

***

“Shut up Loki!” Thor stormed into the dining hall before his younger brother, slamming the tall doors against the walls and irritating his father who was greeting a long-time friend. Odin turned to glair at his eldest and watched the smile break across his face. “James!” He barrelled towards the other teen, crushing him in a hug and spinning him around in the air. James just chuckled, patting the Prince on the shoulder.

“Hello to you too Prince Thor.” He coughed when he was put down, rubbing his ribs subtly to get the blood back to his body. “Hey Loki.” He smiled as the other Prince walked over to him, rolling his emerald eyes as he drew near to his friend, patting his shoulder gently. 

“You certainly do know how to make an entrance Prince Thor.” Sir George commented, bowing to him slightly, watching the blond square his shoulders and stand taller, towering over the other two teens by at least a head. “You’ve grown as well, James is the biggest of all his friends back home, we thought he had shot up!” The Knight smiled and Thor let out a low chuckle.

“Loki is jealous, I am taller than him now.” Thor announced, smirking at his brother, his polar opposite brother, who just raised one dark eyebrow, hair curling around his slender face. 

“I’d hardly call it jealous Brother, I merely don’t care as much as you” Loki commented, leaning into James who bumped his shoulder, glad to be around his friend again, he had missed him over the winter but there was no way he was facing the Asgard snow, not a chance, he liked the milder weather. 

“I think you are.” Thor declared, grabbing James’s wrist and dragging him towards the door, ignoring the sudden wail that left his friend when he did. “Come see my new horse James!” 

“I think you should save James, Loki.” His mother nodded him towards the door, accepting the is soft kiss on the cheek he offered her, patting his head lovingly before turning back to her husband who was cupping his face in his large hand, muttering about Thor having to learn manners at some point.

 

Loki found the two down the stables, Thor having dragged James the whole way by the looks of it, he was cradling his arm to his chest like a broken wing. 

“You still in one piece?” Loki held his hand out and James put his arm in the offered palm, trusting the younger Odinson much more with his injuries. He watched in fascination as Loki’s emerald eyes closed, the scent of fresh grass filling his senses as glorious green smoke swirled around his arm, tingling until it no longer hurt, the red mark completely disappearing.

“Thanks.” The brunet smiled at him, all teeth and rosy cheeks and Loki smiled back, leaning on the fence as they watched the elder struggle to catch the grey in the field. “He’s not fond of your brother is he?” 

“No. You should see him with my Widow, she hates him, it’s hilarious.” Loki snorted, gesturing to the big black mare in the next field who was watching the commotion over the fence, ears flicking from side to side as if deciding whether to help her friend. 

“She’s gorgeous though.” James smiled, chuckling as Thor went face first into the grass as the horse evaded him again, tail flicked high and head in the air, nodding like he was laughing at the Prince. Thor spat out grass and both the boys chuckled behind their hands, not wanting to be yelled at.

“That she is.” Loki clucked his tongue and she looked at them, long mane blowing in the slight breeze as she ambled gracefully over to them, stretching her neck out until they reached up to caress both sides of her board face. “My pretty girl, aren’t you?” Loki leant forward and kissed her forehead, right over the star that was in the centre. “And that is her foal.” Loki pointed at a little mess of legs running at them at breakneck speeds, as if he only just realised that his mother had dare move. He slid to a stop and head butted her side in retaliation, getting flicked by her tail until he decided to nurse, shoving his head under her belly. They both chuckled until they heard hooves churning up the field next to them again, and Thor shouting at the grey. 

“What a cutie.” James cooed at the baby and the turned to the other field. “Let’s help him.”

“You cannot catch him! He knows I am the boss!” Thor shouted but James simply grabbed the halter hanging on the mare’s field, walking over to the gelding who dropped his head to sniff James palm, licking the salt off of it as he slipped the halter over his head, securing it easily. Thor screeched, stomping over to them as Loki crumpled to the floor laughing, holding his sides as he rolled, cackling like a mad man when Thor started shouting obscenities at him. James soothed the gelding who seemed to be anxious about being near the Prince but he nipped at the Prince’s hair playfully enough, sucking on the long pony tail it was in. Thor glared at his brother who was still sat on the floor, wiping tears from his eyes as James led the horse towards him, chuckling hard enough to shake his shoulders. 

“The boss huh Thor?” Loki raised an eyebrow and got a grunt in response, ignoring the finger pointing at him in favour of reaching out to stroke the horse who leant into the touch, ears flicking behind him when Thor took the lead, letting James open the gate for him. 

“You are staying or going brother? You cannot ride your mare.” Thor grumbled and Loki took the other halter from him, leading his mare in as the leggy foal stuck close to her. He was thick boned, would make a good height by the look of it. 

“What was his sire?” James pointed at the foal as he stuck his nose in a group of flowers, sneezing and kicking his back legs up playfully, speeding back to the much more relaxed mare, head butting James when he decided that he was where he wanted to be. “Hey!”

“Calico.” Loki pointed at his brother’s old horse, much stockier, a shire horse that was far too big for the elder prince but it was funny watching him get on him. 

“That explains the legs.” James put his hand out for the foal to sniff and got his finger sucked instead, chuckling at his antics. “What’s he called?”

“He hasn’t got a name yet, Father didn’t want me to keep him, apparently, he’s a gift to someone but he won’t tell me who.” Loki reached out and ruffed the colt’s fluffy mane, tying his mother up and reaching out to grab a little rope halter. “You want to try?”

“That sucks.” James scratched the foals neck, getting him to lean into him and slipping the rope halter over his head, securing it before he could think too hard about it. The colt looked up at him like he had just caused him a great inconvenience, mouth dropping open as he tried to shoot backwards, getting to the end of the rope and stopping instantly, four legs spread as he huffed, head tossed back as he whinnied, his mother essentially ignoring him, ears flicking but not turning away from the fuss Loki was making over her. “Steady Baby, its ok.” He offered his hand and the foal grunted at him, tail sticking upright in baby fluff and James chuckled at him, crouching down to coax him closer. 

“You should give him a name.” Sir George and King Odin walked into the stables, patting Widow as they stopped, pointing at the foal who was still grunting at James defiantly, leaning back against the rope hard enough that if he let go he would fall backwards. 

“What do you mean?” James raised an eyebrow at the foal who snorted and then jumped, landing right in front of James who fell back, landing on Loki who only just caught him, arms wrapping his armpits and hoisting him back up again. 

“He was bred for you, you can take him when he is weaned.” King Odin patted Widow, reaching over to the foal who was licking as much of James’ hands as he could get to. 

“Seriously? Your Highness?” James flicked between looking at the King and his Father, smile spreading over his face that had both men chuckling. 

“Yes, your Father decided that Widow here would be a good Dam, and that if bread with something stockier she could carry you through your young jousts. As it turns out you got a colt, not a filly, but you can work around that can’t you?” King Odin offered the young man a hand which he took, shaking it firmly with the smile still over his face. He turned to his colt and scratched his forehead, clicking at him gently until he was shaking his tail at him excitedly, bouncing on his back legs. 

"Thank you your Majesty.” James bowed and was then promptly pulled over my the hyperactive foal, landing half on top of him who just squealed, bouncing out of the way. 

“You’ll have fun with that one.” Odin chuckled, walking over to Thor’s gelding, patting his nose. 

“He’s a bit wild, be careful.” George ruffled his son’s hair who righted it the best he could without looking, still clinging to the foal who had luckily decided to suckle on his fingers rather than bite them off. 

“He’s a beast. Beast, that’s what he’s called.” James declared, beaming at the foal whose ears pricked up. “You like that Beast?” 

“He will be with that much shire in him.” Loki finished with Widows mane, kissing her muzzle when she half heartedly looked over her shoulder at her young. Beast was prancing around on his tip toes, going to the end of the line and then back again, testing his limits. 

"Beast it is." James cooed, unable to stop smiling at the baby.

***

Beast was a pain. He was a complete pain to everyone but Loki and himself and it was getting stupid. He understood the yearling’s aversion to Thor, he was loud and always shouting, but the stable hands couldn’t even get him from the field. He had left the baby after his six weeks in Asgard to mature and was back to pick him up. He had a fine leather halter made, with his name plated on the side, and he was a mess because Loki had been away for a few months studying, therefore no one had touched him in that time. 

“I’m sorry my Lord, but he just won’t let anyone else catch him.” The head stable hand explained when he led the two men to the back field where the leggy animal was grazing quietly. James whistled, a trick he had taught him he year before and his ears pricked instantly, a high-pitched whinny filling the air as he cantered over, tearing up the ground in order to reach the teen. The hand squealed and jumped out the way but James ducked under the fence, greeting the horse with a hug around the neck. He was instantly pinned to him by his head, so much bigger than it had been, and couldn’t wait to take him back, to show him the others. Things had been tense at the castle, he was coming to notice some things about himself that he wasn’t aware of before but the colt made it all easier. He stepped back, caressing his broad, black forehead and scraggly mane, pulling a couple of brambles from it at the same time. 

“You’re a mess pony.” He teased, getting his shirt toggles pulled on in retaliation. “You caused such unnecessary issues for these poor hands, what do you have to say for yourself?”

“You’re the one leading him home, I hope he doesn’t fight with the other horses.” George grumbled, watching as his son slid he halter onto him, leading him out of the field on high toes, head back as he took in his surroundings, panting slightly. 

“He’ll calm down, he’s probably looking for Loki.” James soothed his neck, making him come down and not pull so much until he was level with him, huffing but calmer than he was. “There, see? Let’s get you cleaned up baby.” He kissed the colts nose and led him to the stables, eager to take his baby home. 

***

 

Steve was pacing his room. It was dark and Tony and Clint had gone to bed before him. James was out on his way back from Asgard, bringing his colt back and it had left Steve feeling empty. He hated being away from his best friend but as of late the other seemed to be pulling away from him, drawing himself out of his life as smoothly as possible. It hurt. He hated that he couldn’t do anything about it, couldn’t even bring himself to ask what was wrong. Which made him a damn coward. He didn’t want to lose James, James was his best friend. No one knew him like James and he was sure no one ever would. They grew up glued to each other’s sides and had been brought up like brothers, they shouldn’t be parting so young. 

He scratched the weird smudge over his left wrist, grimacing at the ugliness that was it, marring his creamy flesh. He was unusually healthy, which his mother told him was why James chose to go to Asgard at this particular time, rather than the summer like usual. It didn’t sit with him, he wanted James around constantly and he couldn’t work out why.

Sitting in the playroom was still his usual hide away, even at fourteen but they had changed the room to be full of plush cushions and all his art supplies, bits and pieces of all of them scattered around the room haphazardly as the maids dreaded cleaning up after the four teens. Steve picked his way over to the huge pillows, flopping down onto them as much as he could, considering his back, and picked up the book next to them, resting it on his lap but not really reading it, more thinking of the past. 

 

He had been sick, really sick in fact, he had felt like death had finally come for him when they maids actually restrained James, calling the knights so come and remove him from the Princes chambers. They knew not to do that. They knew that when he was ill James was always there, he had been since he was a baby and that alone was enough to make him completely panic, ignoring the vials of goo and leaves that surrounded his bed. He could hear the other shouting, yelling and trying to punch his way out of the guards hold but he couldn’t, getting the door slammed in his face and the bolt slid into place from the inside. Steve had felt his heart stop. He was sure of it. Because he couldn’t even feel the way the nurses were touching him, trying to break the fever that had taken him, making him delirious as he shouted out for his friend, getting nothing but silence back as the ladies kept swirling around his tunnel vision. He couldn’t go like this. He couldn’t die without James there, his James, his best friend. He needed him like he needed air which was getting even harder to get into his lungs with every passing second until he blacked out, unable to feel anything anymore. 

 

He had awoken to the soft sound of James snoring, he had his head and upper body on the bed next to the Prince, his lower half bent into the uncomfortable chair next to it. He had his hand wrapped around Steve’s cold fingers and Steve tried this hardest not to wake him. He looked like hell, hair limp and greasy, small amount of stubble over his cheek as if he hadn’t even left his side in weeks, black bags under his eyes. Steve almost couldn’t look, until he saw the others wrist, which he hadn’t realised he hadn’t stopped to really look at before, even with the extensive drawing he had done of him. But it was discoloured, matching his own patch perfectly, it was almost like he had had it copied at some point and didn’t tell him. It was bazar and he didn’t know how to bring the subject up so he finally looked around to find his mother slumped in her own chair, propped up by pillows, sleeping in much the same state as his friend, Steve’s baby blanket held close to her chest. He dared to look down at himself, grimacing at the dried sweat on his body as he did and James seemed to sense him, blinking sleepily up at him.

“Stevie?” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes with the hand that wasn’t wrapped in Steve’s small mitts, sucking in an unsteady breath until he checked again, getting a weak smile back. James beamed at him, throwing himself onto the bed and wrapping his friend up in a hug, chanting his name loud enough to wake Sarah who blanketed them both in her arms as she realised what was happening. Steve coughed once and they both jumped back, wanting to give him space but he was having none of it, dragging them back into a much more gently hug once more before letting them go. He smiled weakly and James lifted a glass of cool water to his lips, letting him drink slowly, propping him up against his side protectively. 

“Oh Steven you gave us such a fright.” Sarah covered her cheeks with her hands, brushing away the tears that were running down her cheeks freely, unable to contain her happiness that her son was alive. 

“What happened Ma?” Steve croaked, voice scratchy from under use. James took the drink away and slipped under the covers, not caring about the fact that Steve was sweaty, picking him up to let his mother move the sheets, cradling his smaller body to his chest, eyes closed as he rested his lips against the others hairline. Once the sheets were changed James climbed back into the bed, Steve in the middle of his crossed legs like if he let go he couldn’t ever see him again. 

“You were ill baby, you had a fever that wouldn’t break no matter what. You were so strong Sweetie. I am so glad you’re ok.” His mother reached over to curl her hand around Steve’s, kissing his fingers gently as James buried his face into the back of his neck, uncaring about the wetness that was pouring from his eyes. 

“But when did that happen? I remember them dragging James away.” He gripped the others tunic as hard as he could when he felt him tense, trying to get him to calm down as usual. 

“A week ago.” James grumbled, coming out of his hiding place enough to look at Sarah across her son. “I didn’t have a choice they locked me out.”

"I know, I saw before I blacked out.” Steve leant his full weight against him and James nodded, wrapping the blankets up closer to them both like he could fend off anyone who tried to separate them. Steve didn’t even find it strange, the possessiveness that came from his eldest friend, used to it after so many years of it. 

“I tried, I stayed as long as I could.” James sobbed gently, relief washing over him at the fact that the other was still here, still able to hold him in his arms, and Sarah smiled gently, patting his long hair.

“He slept on the floor outside your door until they left then curled up on the chair for the rest of the week. He’s been here as much as I have.” She pressed a hand to his rosy cheeks and nodded slowly, acknowledging something Steve didn’t know about. 

Steve blinked out of the memory, not the one he had thought would come over him, and smiled. James had stayed with him even when he looked like a corpse. He shouldn’t doubt his friend, he was clearly just going through some stuff, stuff he didn’t feel the need to share with Steve and that was ok. He could understand that. He had a much blander life than his friends, they got to go out riding, fighting and training for their lives as knights to be, he was usually cooped up or under five different layers of guards and nurses, he wasn’t much fun to be around, but they always came for him, curling up with him when he was cold, bringing him things to draw, tails to entrain him with and food from the kitchens. He should be more grateful, his cousins never much bothered with him when they were visiting, they could be like them. 

 

James was laughing, full bodied and loud, hand over his stomach, at Tony who had been thrown from the kitchen once again. Steve was at his side, snorting under his breath at the cook who was hitting him with her broom, telling him to scram. James dragged Steve out of sight, curling behind a pillar with the other pressed close to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around him to make them as small as possible. Steve could feel James heartbeat against his ear, hear the steady thrump-a-thrump that signalled he was alive and that he was excited, by the speed of it. It was comforting, it was a sound he had grown up to, much like his own mother’s heart beat and he wondered, not for the first time, why he couldn’t be healthy. He wanted to spend his life doing this sort of thing, laughing and playing with his friends, teasing the palace staff and helping his mother in the gardens, but he had to be snuck out whenever he wanted freedom. If he were healthy he knew that the guards would be fewer, the maids wouldn’t tread around like they were walking on broken glass whenever he was near. James would be dragging him to all the adventures the others went on, throwing him over his shoulder like he did Clint when they wrestled in the play room. The sun would feel so good on his skin, he could have a tan like his friends, bruise his knees running in the courtyard, train with swords and bows. 

But all he had was this, being snuck out behind guards back to watch Tony get his ass handed to him by a podgy middle aged woman when he couldn’t be sneaky enough. His twelfth birthday was coming up and everyone was already stressed by the preparations going on, so there was really no way the other could succeed, yet he had tried anyway. 

Steve instead focused on the way James arms had grown, his shoulders widening slightly to what they used to be. He was older by a year and a half, he was also a head taller than the Prince and liked to tuck him under his chin when he was cold. He couldn’t remember a time that he had been the tallest of the four of them, just always being short and small and useless, but none of them ever treated him like that. He was an equal to them, often they would lament about the ways Steve would have improved their days, his quick wit his main asset it seemed, and he wished so often that he could be with them, just once. 

Steve rubbed his blue eyes, watching the multicoloured rays of light filter through the stained-glass window and wondered again why they stayed with him. He hated that they could all go and do as they pleased whilst he had to stay in and out of trouble. He loved his family, his friends and their company but he knew that they would outgrow him. Like James being able to go to Asgard, like Tony getting dragged to his relatives and Clint heading to the country when Christmas came. Out of the four of them he was so boring, and useless and a lump. He hated it so much. 

“Steve!” Tony suddenly barrelled into the play room, panting as he doubled over, hands braced on his knees. “You gotta come see this, James's yearling is nuts.” He was chuckling under his panting and Steve felt his chest get tight.

“He’s not hurt, is he?” Steve got up, grabbing his cloak and wrapping it around his shoulders hurriedly, stepping closer to his friend who had finally managed to stand up.

“Oh no, you’ll see what I mean.” Tony waved him off and lead him from the room, slowing down so that he didn’t agitate the Princes breathing. He really did have good friends.

***

“Give it up Clint he won’t come to you!” James called, watching the other teen attempt to sneak up on Beast, who was grazing in with his father’s horse, tail flicking and ears swivelling to prove that he knew exactly where he was. 

“Anything new happened?” Tony clapped James on the shoulder and the other snorted, beaming at Steve and pulling him closer, trapping him between the fence and his chest to keep him warm. 

“Nope, other than proving a horse is more intelligent, nothing. He’s not even got close.” James chuckled, resting his head on top of Steve’s shoulder when he leant forward. “How bored were you without me then?”

“Obscenely.” The Prince teased, shoulder bumping him. “So this is the animal you’ve been obsessing over then?”

“Beautiful isn’t he? He won’t let any one else near him, the hands in Asgard had given up trying to catch him, took three hours to groom him.” James whistled and the colt looked up, whinnying before trotting over, tail held high as long legs gracefully carried him to his owner. Clint swore loudly and the trio cackled as he threw the head collar on the floor in frustration. James reached over to caress he blacks broad face, cooing gently when he stepped closer to allow him to scratch his neck.

“He’s going to be a very handsome animal.” Steve offed his hand to be sniffed and the foal’s ears twitched, stiffening before nuzzling his palm gently. “Hey boy.” He called, hand going to the other side of his neck. 

“How?” Clint screeched, hopping the fence and pointing accusingly at the Prince.

“Favouritism.” James shrugged, leaning over the other to kiss the colts muzzle. “We’ll be back later Beast, well leave you to settle in.” 

“I’m calling bullshit.” Clint grumbled, stomping along with them all as they left the yard. 

“It’s probably because that’s James cloak and Steve smalls like him.” Tony rolled his chocolate eyes, shoulder pumping the blond.

***

Sometimes it kept Steve up at night, the way the owls would hoot from their keep, or how the trees outside his bedroom would creak when the wind was too strong. Even under so many blankets he was always cold, always shivering. But something else was off, something in the castle was too quiet, too still. Something dramatic was going to happen, he could feel it in his very frail bones. 

Someone came barrelling past his door, a couple of someone’s actually, all huffing for breath, and then a scream erupted, sending ice through Steve’s heart. He knew that voice. He knew that scream, what had happened?

Tossing his bedsheets away he grabbed his dressing gown, speeding towards the sound of echoing feet. After that one scream there didn’t seem to be another one, but he could see the commotion. He could see the smoke licking high over the caste walls, see it pillowing up over the twilight night and his heart stopped. James was supposed to be traveling back from Asgard today. He was supposed to arrive in the morning, why did he hear his scream?

“Guard!” Steven yelled and a armoured man turned to him, well aware of the Princes connection to the young man they had just carried past his quarters to the infirmary. “What’s going on?”

“Prince Steven, there was an accident on the road, it’s being handled, you should go to bed before you catch the cold.” He tried to corner the Prince back to his chaimbers but he darted between his legs, a plus only possible because of his small size, rushing to the infirmary at the same time his mother got there. 

“Ma!” He shouted and she swept him up in her arms, knowing that there was no way she could protect her son, knowing that he would find his way in no matter what she said. He and James had many years of sneaking into places they shouldn’t be behind them, this would not stop him.

“Oh baby.” She huffed into his hair, clutching him close and kissing his cheek. “Oh Steven.”

“What happened Ma?” He pushed back from her arms and tears were shining in her eyes, cheeks flushed pink as another nurse was rushing into the room, the door staying open enough for them to smell the burning flesh from inside and she broke down in tears, clutching Steven to her. Steve’s heart stopped in his chest, tightening worse than any illness before as he realised that something had happened, something drastically bad for his mother to break down the way she was right now. “Ma?” He petted her hair gently and she shook with tears, clutching him tighter to her as she crumpled to the floor. 

“Oh Baby, oh my Stevie.” She kept repeating, wrapping him closer to her as the door was shut again. “There was an attack, they had decided to return early, James wanted to be here for your birthday, so they left early. They were attacked, just down the road, they set the carriage alight.” She sobbed and Steve went dead still in her arms, unable to process what was going on. James had been in that carriage. His mother was in pieces, how bad was it? It had been years since there was an attack on the Kings Road. Sir George was one of the best knights in the country, why were they even able to attack?

“Leave him Stevie, they need to operate.” She shook slightly under her son, glad for once of his small size when her husband walked over to them, wrapping them both in a blanket and kissing both their heads gently. 

“No Ma, I need to see him, I can’t leave him, he’s never left me!” Steve shouted and his Father blinked, not used to such a loud noise coming from his son but Sarah shook her head, kissing his temple.

“Stevie, he stays with you, but you generally don’t need surgery, you can see him in the morning, they won’t want you in there now, it won’t be pretty.” She shook her head and he was lifted by his father, taken to their room and cried between them like he was still three. 

***

James was sat in bed when they finally let Steve in, silent and staring out the window. He refused to look at his arm, didn’t even look at Steve when he entered but he had tears sliding down his face all the same. His Father was on another bed, in much the same state but lying down, facing the wall, coughing occasionally. The whole room felt cold, like it would never be warm again, and Steve drew his cloak tighter around himself, padding up to James’ bed and stopping there, watching his friend turn to him slowly, not a hint of a smile on his face. 

“Hey James.” He kicked his feet and then forced himself to take a deep breath, letting his eyes wander over his friends face. He had an angry red streak down one side, hair singed slightly shorter on one side than the other where it had been in a ponytail for the journey he guessed. His eyes were hollow, a glassy grey that scared Steve more than the dried blood cascading down his arm. His arm had clearly caught a lot of the flames, burn marks marring up his arm and across his bare chest, exposing some parts of bone if he looked close enough. He wanted to cry, wanted to jump in bed with him like James did with him when he was ill and never let go. It was devastating to see the difference that it made, when it wasn’t him in the sick bed. He hadn’t felt so possessive ever before and he hated that he hadn’t even really been greeted. 

“James, can I come up?” He patted the bed and James sobbed once, nodding and reaching out with his good hand, small flame marks on the back of his hand but nowhere near the state his other was in. Steve hoisted himself up onto the bed, opening his arms for James to curl into, which he did very carefully, avoiding moving his healing skin too much but wanting the comfort. His father was in a state of shock which left him basically useless to the teen, who just wanted to be looked after and Steve was noticing how much that alone was hurting his friend. The fact that Winnifred was nowhere to be seen hadn’t escaped the young Prince but he was choosing to ignore that for now, humming into his friends hair as he cried, soothing him the best he could without really touching him. He would be ok. He had to be, he was James Buchanan Barnes, he was always ok.

***

He wasn’t ok. He couldn’t sleep, he was like zombie as he moved, clearly hurting but not knowing how to stop it. His arm wasn’t in nearly as bad shape as it had been, some healers were bought in, magic had fixed the worst of the burns but it still hurt in the cold. He had to be ok, he had to stand up next to his Father and bury his Mother, his mother he had failed to save despite his best efforts, and it was ripping him to pieces. He hadn’t even really talked to Steve, unable to form the words right so he hadn’t bothered, simply basking in his friend’s company and enjoying it when he read to him, even if it didn’t show outright. 

He pulled a tunic on, having wrapped his arm in soft cloth before with the help of Sarah, who was only just holding it together herself. He had curled into her the second she was done, weeping into her shoulder as she did the same, curling around him protectively, ever the second mother he had grown up with. Whinny had been one of her best friends, the whole reason Steve and he were so close was that they didn’t have a choice in the matter from birth, and it wasn’t settling well with her either. The silk was smooth but catching on his exposed burns, which he still refused to look at really, knowing he was disgusting now but that there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He would wear them forever, a reminder that he failed his mother, failed to save her from the attack, couldn’t get her out of the carriage quick enough, the whole roof caving in on her when he had just freed her leg from where it was trapped under a fallen box. It had come down on his arm as well, just as his father grabbed him, dragging him away from the fire whilst screaming his wife’s name. Even when he knew he couldn’t save her he still saved his son, his precious James, and he wouldn’t ever regret saving him, no matter what. James had been screaming that it should be him, not his Mother as her screams stopped, both men collapsed on the floor, sobbing out her name. 

That alone had broken George up more, not ever wanting his son to think that. He was everything to his parents, their greatest achievement, and they would overcome that one day but damn it hurt. 

“Son?” George tapped on the door, pushing his way in when he sotted that James was just stood in the middle of the room, looking down at his feet like they could disappear and take them with him. “James?”

“Pa?” He looked up, eyes red as his fathers, face solemn and missing its usual plumpness, all colour drained for it. He looked just how George felt. 

“Come on son, I have a gift for you.” He held out a box, tied in a red bow but it was overly garish by both of their standards, James’ face said as much. “I know, it’s what the seamstress did.” He shrugged and James took the box, tossing the bright ribbon to the floor and opening the gift, breath catching at the bright blue fabric inside.

“I know it’s soon, but it’s tradition, she would have wanted you to have something more of hers.” George put his hand on James’ good shoulder, letting him lift the heavy cloak out, watching the way the latches caught the light. It was made of her favourite dress, the skirt had been big enough to make a double layered cloak for her only son, and her pin from the day they married had been changed to be the clip, swinging between two heavy silver chains. It was slightly shimmery, a little too shimmery for it to look fully masculine, but it was her favourite, a dress both men associated with her instantly, from warm summers to winter balls. They both knew exactly what I meant to her. 

James choked out a sob, barrelling into his father in the tightest hug he could manage, avoiding the small stab wound he had sustained whilst defending his wife and son from the attackers. The man’s arms wrapped around his son, clutching him to him as tight as he dare, sobbing into his hair gently. 

***

The cloak stayed in his room after the funeral. He had hung it up with such care, making sure it wouldn’t wrinkle, staring at it catching the dying light, for much longer than he would ever admit. 

 

Steve sat on his bed, looking at it when he came to see his friend, who hadn’t left his room all week, unable to draw the courage to leave and no one had questioned him. He had just lost his mother, he deserved some space. But Steve knew he wouldn’t want space, he would have wanted the other around him constantly, so after consulting his own mother he went to him, catching him having a bath at the time.

“You ok in there James?” Steve called and got a groan back, a small splash and the sound of a towel being rubbed over a body, slow and methodical, so Steve waited patiently. 

“Can you do my, arm please?” James stuttered over the word, still not really up to looking at it even if the magic had healed most of it. He got up, taking the towel and patting it gently, watching the way the other didn’t even seem to be able to feel it. 

“Is that ok?” Steve asked, looking up to find that James had his eyes shut, head tilted back slightly, lines drawn up around his eyes, cheeks pale and sunken, bags under his eyes darker than Steve could remember seeing them before. 

“I can’t feel it Stevie, I can’t feel anything on my arm, I can only just feel the ends of my fingers.” James whispered, finally turning to his friend, pain etched over his face which Steve ad to reach up to smooth out, pressing his palm to his cheek ever so gently. The boy leant into him, sighing and letting flat grey eyes flutter shut, lips pressed together like he wanted to kiss Steve. Something in the youngers chest tightened and he found himself pressing his body closer, tucking his head against his friend’s bare chest, much warmer than he was, only relaxing when both of James’ arms wrapped around his shoulders. 

“Thank you, Stevie.” He whispered into the others soft blond hair, pressing a soft kiss to the others ear before getting a shirt and slowly pulling it on, dropping onto the bed and crawling under the covers, opening his arms for the other to crawl into, which he did, instantly as always.

 

***

Beast had grown up beautiful. Thick feathers coating his strong legs, broadening out into a true war horse, double mane down to his shoulders, tail just as magnificent as he pranced around the school, letting out a shrill whinny to Tony’s mare Pepper in the field just in sight. James chuckled at the horse, driving him on in the circle. Steve has realised over the last year that something about him and James was off. Whilst they still spent a lot of time together, the elder seemed to be drawing back from him, instead falling into flirting with the girls, even a few of the guys, and it was driving something sharp between the Princes rib cage. 

He refused to label it, outright refused. If he did that made it a thing. It was not a thing. It was just them growing up. He was used to having James’ undivided attention, was used to having him around and available but they had both had to take on more responsibilities this year. Steve had turned fifteen, James was just seventeen, and was therefore expected to start his knight training properly. Steve hated it. 

“Beast leave the poor mare alone.” James yelled and the horse circling him threw in a buck, hooves getting high enough to make Steve panic a little. “Oh really? Is that what you think is it?” James merely chuckled, forcing the horse to change direction with a simple flick of the rope. He had done brilliantly training the horse without breaking his spirit, so whilst James could do anything he wanted with him, mostly safely, the horse still pointed out when he was unimpressed. You could see that James wanted to break him, wanted to ride the animal he had waited for, but he was only just three, which James declared was too young. The two would make a brilliant pair one day, formidable and beautiful. It was no wonder all the ladies fawned over the young knight.

“Damn it’s hot.” James complained, letting Beast stop, whistling him over as he walked towards the Prince, shucking his shirt and using it to wipe at his sweaty face. Steve crossed his legs under his sketch book, gulping as James smiled at him, that bright, openly honest smile that always made the young Princes heart stutter dangerously. “You ok up there?” 

“Hmmm?” Steve blinked, forcing his eyes away from the bands of muscle bunching on the others arms, getting momentarily distracted by the line running down the centre of his stomach. 

“I said, Mr Daydream, are you ok?” James chucked the top on the floor by Steve’s chair, raised up on a block so that he could see over the high railings of the school. He blushed a deep maroon and fanned himself dramatically, taking a deep breath.

“Yeah, its getting a little warm though.” Steve stuttered out, smiling slightly as the other tugged his sweaty hair up into a new bun as the other had fallen out. 

“Ok then, I’ll cool him off and we’ll head in to the stables.” James winked and lead the horse away from the railing where he was munching on little blades of grass, walking him around without even having to hold the rope. The muscles on his back moved beautifully under his tanned skin, the sun having done him good this year, and the Prince found his fingers itching to draw them. He had been drawing his friends for years, but never shirtless, much less without their permission. But damn he wanted to. He should ask though. He should ask James, but he found he was already sketching out the rough outline by the time the Knight was walking back towards him. The fact he had literally stacks of books filled with just James’ face, arms, hands and outfits was nothing compared to finding how much he wanted to draw him shirtless.

“See something you like Your Highness?” James winked and Steve slammed he book closed, almost falling out of his chair in the process. “Stevie!” James lurched forward, grabbing his elbow and steadying him, body stretched over the wooden railing painfully, the wood digging into his ribs. 

“I’m ok! I am ok, sorry.” Steve coughed, getting down from the chair and putting both feet on the floor, letting the other come out of the school, shaking his head. 

“What the hell am I gonna do with you Steve? Jesus.” James swept down to grab the fallen book, handing it back without looking in, as he always did, and snatching his shirt at the same time, chucking it over Beast’s back as they walked towards the washing block. 

“Sorry, you just took me by surprise.” Steve went all quiet, suddenly feeling the size difference between them more than ever. Next to each other now it was easy to see who was going to be the more attractive man. Steve was only about half the width of his friend, and a head and a bit shorter now. It was kind of devastating how everyone else had had their growth spurts and he was still a weedy little thing. 

“Sorry Stevie, I forget you’re not used to me flirting with you.” James pressed his gloved hand over the others shoulder, squeezing gently before tying the horse up and going to to the pump, filling a bucket with cold water, offering it o the colt to drink first before chucking it over his board back, using a sponge to wet him all over and cool him off. Steve curled up in a sunbeam, clutching his book to his chest whilst rivulets of water slipped down James skin, glistening along with the sweat there, catching the light beautifully. Steve swallowed thickly. What the hell was going on with him? James was his best friend and here he was thinking about how soft his skin looked. It was weird, and wrong. James wouldn’t ever want a weed like him, not when he was so well built and only getting bigger. He would make some woman very happy one day he was sure of it, so why was he feeling so damn jealous?

 

***

The hall was bustling, busy and exciting, music playing in the corner, food laid out against one wall and people dancing merrily in the centre. Steve was bored. It was his own birthday party, finally sixteen, and nothing felt like it had happened. He was sulking and he knew it, his Mother had pointed it out, James had poked him, making him chuckle before he slipped into the fray of bodies in the middle of the room, but he just couldn’t bring himself to join his friends. He could see them all from his chair by his Mother, who was chatting with a few of the other noble women. He could see Tony flirting with a few different girls, all of whom were giggling behind their fans, acting like he was the best comic in the room. Clint was with a few other young men, possibly drinking the mead they were filling him with, completely at ease amongst them like they were old friends. But James, James was dancing. James was dancing with a guy. Steve’s short sightedness didn’t allow him to make out who he was with but they seemed to be having fun without him around. James touched the guy too much for his liking, even when the song ended and James bowed low, the other, curiously not returning the gesture, and they walked towards the refreshments. They were almost constantly bumping shoulders, hands out as they discussed something in detail, little puffs of smoke seemed to appear around them, making James laugh loud enough for even Steve to hear from his place. It hurt. He shouldn’t be laughing like that with a stranger, he was his best friend. It was his damn birthday! Why was he sulking? 

Suddenly filled with determination he stood up, melting into the crowd and milling about. He found Tony first, stepping up next to him, full robes announcing him and the three girls all giggled, curtsying to him in greeting. 

 

***

“I have missed your company James.” Loki patted his arm affectionately, the mead settling heavy in his stomach.

“Me too Lokes, sorry I didn’t come this winter.” James leant into the Prince, a little too much weight for it to be professional but everyone was a little drunk anyway, no one would pay attention to the two guys curled against the dark walls of the bustling hall.

“I understand, you have to stay close to the castle when Steven is ill, you’re a good friend.” Loki patted the others head gently, running his fingers through the escaped locks. 

“Yeah, he gets even more panicked when I’m not there, it’s not fair on him to leave him when he’s like that.” James hiccupped, pressing into the hand and resting his head on his shoulder, smiling into the darkness. The mead was warm, making him overly cuddly as usual but Loki was more than used to that after years of sneaking out with the stuff during the long summers they stayed together. 

“You’re very close, aren’t you?” Loki rested his head atop the others, sighing at the contact. He had missed his friends company greatly, no one was ever as open with him as James and he was grateful for the others lack of self-control. 

“Yeah we’ve always been together. Can’t have him dying on my watch.” James half joked, hand wrapping around Loki’s arm and tugging him suddenly. “Come see Beast! You’ve not done so yet!”

“James it’s late, the poor thing probably wants to sleep.” Loki laughed, wrapping his hand around the others gently.

“Nooo you have to see him now, he’s gorgeous!” James pouted, bottom lip a little too far out his mouth, eyes wide and pleading and Loki found himself unable to say no, standing and helping steady his much drunker friend, grabbing a couple of rolls from the buffet as they left the hall.

“Here, eat this before we terrorise your horse.” He forced the roll into the Knight’s other hand, letting him munch it as they slipped down the quiet halls of the castle. “You ok?”

“Loki?” James suddenly sounded small and the Prince turned to him, head tilted to the side, long hair falling off of his shoulder. 

“Yes James?” He prompted when no more came from the knight. He was nibbling the bread, little tiny bites like a mouse and Loki found it very endearing, curling his arm around the others waist. 

“What would you do if you found yourself, attracted to someone?” James refused to look anywhere but at his feet and Loki’s chest did something funny.

“I erm,” He stopped, thinking the answer through. “It depends, how well do I know them?” 

“Well.” James sighed, inspecting the roll like it could give him the answer it wanted to hear.

“So it’s someone I know well? And I am attracted to them? I suppose I’d look at how the friendship sits, work out whether they might be attracted to me, then, if they are, tell them.” Loki curled the other closer when he just groaned. “Want to tell me something James?”

“No? Yes? I don’t know Lokes! That’s the problem.” James groans again, head curling into the others neck as they walked.

“Look. James, you know how you feel, not me, what’s holding you back?” He decided to reangle the situation.

“Why would they want me? They can’t want me, they have to marry a woman so what’s the point in trying? It will just hurt in the long run.” James shook his head, suddenly gasping and covering his mouth with his hands, eyes wide in the flickering candle light.

“James Barnes, why wouldn’t they want you? You are turning into a fine young man indeed, anyone who gets you will be a very lucky person.” Loki pulled the other towards the guest quarters, sensing that the other was about to break down. 

“But they don’t! I don’t really want anyone else! I don’t even have the option really, I’m destined to be unhappy or lonely or both and, and I can’t even tell him.” He was borderline hysterical, only just keeping his voice down until they were locked in the visiting Princes rooms, tears sliding down his face, hands curled into fists in the front of Loki’s tunic. The other picked him up, the man curling into his body until they were sat on the plush chairs by the fire. Loki lit the fire with magic, wrapped them both up in a heavy blanket as James cried against his chest, rocking the both gently until he hiccupped to a stop, wiping his eyes and nose with his sleeve until Loki held him out a handkerchief. 

“I’m sorry.” James whispered, nuzzling into the Princes neck gently. Loki smiled to himself, wrapping him into a tighter hug, fingers carding through the long hair at the base of James’s neck.

“Its ok James. You know you can talk to me about everything.” Loki kissed his cheek gently, watching a dark blush spread over his cheeks. 

“I know I can, thank you for dealing with my drunk ass.” James chuckled, sitting upright and swinging his legs over the others lap, missing the warmth instantly. He hated the fact that he wanted to be so close to the Prince, hated the fact that he knew he couldn’t make him happy because of his stupid head. He had thought that maybe one day he and Loki could be happy, had thought it a few times actually when laid out in the sun over the summer, or curled up in front of the fire in the winter. They had always been close, they got along well, were comfortable with one another. But he also knew his heart belonged elsewhere and that wouldn’t be fair on the mage. 

“I’m used to dealing with your drunk ass.” Loki chuckled, running his hand down the others thigh, picking up his book from the table, offering one that he knew James had been reading last time he was in Asgard, flicking to his own page. James curled into his side, warm against him as they relaxed, letting the alcohol leave their systems. 

 

***

“Have you seen James?” Steve tapped Clint’s shoulder, getting his attention whilst he was flirting with a couple of ladies with Tony, they were both putting on the charm, but Steve was well aware that James had been missing for a while. 

“What do you mean? He was with Prince Loki I think?” Tony shrugged, making room between them for the Prince.

“Why was he with him?” Steve hissed, feeling something spark in his chest that he hated. He hated the idea that James was with someone else that they had seemly disappeared together. Why was he so jealous?

“They have been friends for a while, they tend to be together when James’s family go to Asgard. They are probably catching up, relax they won’t die.” Tony waved the Prince’s worries off and went back to his previous conversation. 

“But why didn’t he say anything?” Steve turned to Clint who shrugged, waving his glass.

“Pretty sure they had put more of this away than half the people in this room. They will be fine.” Clint tried to reassure him but he still wasn’t happy. James always let him know where he was. Why was this any different?

“I think I’m going to retire.” Steve announced and both men bowed, the ladies following suit as he left the hall, kissing his mother goodnight. 

He didn’t head to his rooms immediately though. He spent some time wondering. He had managed to escape the guards, which wasn’t his greatest plan but he needed time to think. He was far too concerned about his friend’s whereabouts. His companions hadn’t been in the least bit concerned, so why was he? He hated being away from his best friend, yes, but he also hated the way the other hadn’t told him where he was. Surely, he deserved to know? He was the Prince, he always knew where James was, that was why he had asked to have the three of them as his guards when they were old enough. They knew how each other worked and they could easily move around one another after so many years. He should be able to handle James being somewhere he wasn’t. 

Maybe there was more than he wanted to accept but he knew that even if he admitted it he couldn’t act on it. James was his best friend. They were inseparable from the time Steve was born and it had always been that way, they came as a package deal, James and Steven, Steven and James. If you found one you found the other, so why was there a rift growing between them suddenly? Maybe they had been growing apart for a while and he just didn’t realise? Maybe nothing was as true as he thought? Why didn’t he know more about Asgard’s second Prince? If James spent so much time with him then why wasn’t he around more?

Was James ashamed of him?

Was that it?

 

***

“James?” Thor tapped the young man’s shoulder where he was slumped over the arm of the chair, legs tangled up with Loki’s under the blanket. They were lying perpendicular to one another, James snoring loudly because of the angle of his neck, Loki’s feet curled to the side where he had slipped to the side in his sleep. 

“Urgh?” James grumbled, blinking slowly at the hulking blond man hovering over him in the morning light.

“What are you doing in our chambers?” He asked, motioning to the room they were in, voice too loud in the pale light coming through the undrawn curtains.

“I was drunk, Loki tried to sober me up. Fuck my head hurts.” James hissed, covering his eyes with his hand, pointedly ignoring the giggling of a woman from another room. 

“It’s early, you should sleep more.” Thor patted his shoulder and left, following the giggling. 

“Then why wake me up?” James groaned, shifting so his head wasn’t hanging off the end of the sofa, catching Loki as he slid down to press his head to his chest, kicking the blankets over them better again, nuzzling into the Princes long hair.

“Because he’s a Neanderthal.” Loki murmured into the man’s chest, hands curling around his waist tightly, sighing until he was comfortable. 

“Yeah he is.” James cuddled him closer until he fell back asleep, warm even if he was uncomfortable on the lumpy sofa. 

 

***

 

“And where did you go last night?” Tony clapped him on the back the second he sat down in the breakfast hall, making him jump enough to throw his juice over himself. 

“Fuck Tony.” James shouted, grabbing his napkin and padding himself down, realising that Clint and Steve had joined him on the furthest table from the main area as possible. Loki had tried to follow him but his father had collared him, forcing him to sit with his Brother and make small talk. 

“I mean, if you did I wanna know who.” The man chuckled, slipping on the bench next to him whilst the others sat opposite.

“No I didn’t. But I bet you didn’t either.” James spat back, head hurting too much for formalities. He hated the pounding happening in the back of his skull. The hall was too loud, too bright, and he didn’t even want to get close enough to the kitchens to smell the meat cooking. Wasn’t helping his churning stomach. 

“Well I didn’t disappear half way through.” Tony hissed back, ripping into his breakfast. He raised an eyebrow at the archer who shrugged, coffee steaming in his hands to warm him up. 

“Loki and I took a walk, I’m sorry Mum I wasn’t aware I had to let you know where I was at all times.” James growled, dunking his bread in the soup in front of him like it had wronged him.

“I know you’re hung over but that was uncalled for.” Clint reprimanded, pointing his knife at the long-haired man as he speared the cold meat in his plate.

“Yeah, sorry Tony. Just grumpy.” James turned to his friend, smiling slightly at the other man who just rolled his eyes, earning nudge to the shoulder. “I wanted to catch up with Loki as I didn’t get to do so this winter.”

“That’s all we needed.” Tony chuckled, dipping his toast into James soup. 

“You just want gossip.” James teased and he nodded, nibbling on the corner playfully. 

“Always.”

***

“You’re not talking to me.” James poked Steve with his foot where they were sprawled out in his room.

“I have nothing interesting to say.” Steve flicked his page even if he wasn’t really reading it, it was dreadfully dull.

“Spill, what is it?” James sat up, taking the book from him and forcing him to look up.

“Leave it James it’s nothing.” Steve tried to reach around him, stretching as far as his back would allow but James gripped his wrist gently, drawing patterns on the back of his hand.

“Now you see, I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve spent more time with you growing up than my mother, do you really think you can hide shit from me?” James gripped his chin between his thumb and fore finger, making the younger man look up at him.

“You seem to think you can, why can’t I?” Steven snapped, making James drop his jaw in confusion, stepping back from him unexpectedly. 

“The hell are you on about Steve?” He asked, one eyebrow raised as he put space between them, hating the tone that had been used on him, Steve never got that way with him. 

“What do you think? You disappeared last night, with another Prince, on my birthday, and no one knew where you were? How about we talk about how you know him hmm?” Steve stood up, pointing his finger in the taller man’s face, watching as his eyes grew wide as saucers, but he couldn’t stop himself as green filled his vision. 

“What? Loki and I go back years Steve! I go there every summer, Beast is his mares foal! My father is good friends with his, god Steve are you jealous that I have other friends?” James fought to control his voice, glaring at the other who shrunk back slightly, realising he had been over reacting. “I spend weeks with him, were good friends, he is a good man who has taught me a heck of a lot, we enjoy each other’s company, why is that a problem?”

“Because you disappeared!” Steve shoved his friend’s chest, hating that he didn’t even sway, even though his eyes went suddenly hard, the light blue turning almost grey. 

“I’m sorry Steven, but I didn’t feel the need to tell you where I was, when I was already drunk, I shall endeavour to always let you know where I am from now on, your Highness.” James spat, grabbing his jumper from the hanger by the door. “Right now, I’m going to work Beast, is that ok?”

“James!” Steve shouted as the door slammed behind him. Steve stood, staring at the door with his mouth agape. They never fought. He was sure that James had never stormed out before, not that dramatically, and he hadn’t used his title as an insult in years, they never needed it. He really had pushed it, he had no right to decide that he wasn’t allowed friends other than him. At no point had he tried to stake a claim on the elder, never needed to, but damn he wished he hadn’t run his mouth instantly. 

Grabbing his cloak, he rushed out the room, speeding towards the stables as fast as he could get away with, sighing in relief when he saw the building cone into view. James was ahead of him, leading Beast towards the school, the horse dragging his feet until the gate closed when James let him go. He simply dropped, sitting in the middle of the school, head in his hands as the horse circled him, lying down behind him, head wrapped around him to rest in his lap. Steve hid behind a wall, peaking out at the two as James curled around his horse, mumbling into his soft mane. His shoulders were shaking slightly and it broke Steve’s heart to know he was the reason that was happening. Just as he was about to force himself out of hiding when he spotted someone striding over to his friend from the other direction. The figure was tall and lean, long hair up in a ponytail, too much possible green and black on for Steve's liking. 

And when James looked up with tears in his eyes his heart twisted in his chest. He reached out to the other guy, drawing him down into his lap, Beast lifted his head to press into the other mans lap now, curling around them both protectively. Which was wrong, because Beast still didn’t like people going near him half the time. Then it clicked that it must be Prince Loki and his heart shattered a little more. The Prince was soothing James hair from his spot in his lap, long fingers running through his hair as James hands tightened around his slim waist, face pressed into the others neck. They were talking but Steve couldn’t hear what they were saying, could however see the shaking in his friend’s shoulders ease up slowly. Loki pulled back, swiping his thumbs under James’ eyes to wipe away the drying tears and pressed their foreheads together and suddenly Steve felt like he was going to be sick. He turned to leave, hoping the ache in his chest was an illness for once. 

***

“Steven? What's wrong sweetie?” His Mother put the knitting down she was doing as soon as she saw her sons face, ushering the hand maids out and wrapping him up like he was still as baby. 

“My chest hurts.” He buried his face in her neck, trying to take comfort from her familiar scent, but it wasn’t the one he wanted and he knew that. And he hated that. 

“Why sweetie?” She rubbed his back gently, kissing his forehead in a practiced hide of checking his temperature. 

“James doesn’t need me.” He mumbled into her chest and she sighed, kissing his crown softly, heart twisting in her breast, knowing exactly what was going on for once. 

“And why would you think that?” She asked, fingers carding through his soft blond hair. “You and he have been inseparable since birth, why would he suddenly replace you?”

“He’s got Prince Loki.” He sniffled, spitting out the name like it hurt him. 

“And have you asked him about it?” She queried, drawing back to look at his face, which he refused to turn to her.

“We had an argument. He stormed out, went to the stables and then Loki turned up and sat in his lap, they were all touchy and it made my head hurt.” He grumbled, fisting her skirt into his hands angrily. Why had he shouted? Why had he waited to go to his friend’s side? He was stupid.

“You argued?” She almost squeaked. “Why did you argue?” 

“He left last night, he disappeared with Loki for hours and no one found him till this morning, where he was so hung over he snapped at Tony.” He mused, finally looking up to his mother’s face, who was smiling sadly at him. 

“Steven, James needs you, he needs you a lot more than you know my Son.” She kissed his forehead gently. “You should tell him how you feel, he and Loki have known each other for many years, they spend a lot of time together, Winnie says that when they go to stay in Asgard the two are inseparable. You are used to having him to yourself is all, he must miss the other when he’s here.”

“He got in a pissy over me asking him why he didn’t tell me where he was! He yelled at me, he called me Your Highness. Since when has he ever done that?” He was heaving for breath, not wanting to admit that he was in the wrong, that he was the reason the they had been crying in the first place, but damnit he knew it. 

“You started it Steven, go apologise, and whist you’re at it, talk to Prince Loki, he is very much into literature, you would get along well.” Sarah put him on the floor, giving him the stern look he only received when he was being told off and he had the audacity to wail.

“He’s so much older than me! It’s no wonder James likes him more, he’s mature, he’s older than both of us and very much smarter, please Mama, don’t make me make a fool of myself!” He pouted and Sarah raised an eyebrow at him, clearly unamused.

“You’re right, I’m sure Mature Prince Loki wouldn’t wail like a child when he’s in the wrong. Loki is only a couple of years older than James, he isn’t some old man.” He chided and Steve bit his lip, to stop the retort leaving his lips. “Loki an I have had many conversations over the years, he if far older than his years and you are too, you will get along I am sure of it.” 

“Ok Mama.” Steve turned to get away from the room, head between his shoulders as he made his way towards the school again, hoping that the two were still there. 

***

“What do you think that mark on your wrist is?” Loki pointed at the dark smudge on James wrist, he had rolled his sleeves up in the heat of the library and suddenly he regretted it, hiding it under the table like he could make the other forget it was there. 

“I think it’s a birth mark.” James shrugged, rolling his sleeves down self-consciously again, shoulders coming up around his ears to make himself smaller. 

“Really? I don’t think you do.” Loki raised one perfectly arched eyebrow and James shrugged, wanting to ignore the fact he had a niggling into what it was. “James, ignoring it won’t make it go away, you know that right?”

“I know, but if I don’t know much about it then I can pretend I’m not totally fucked.” James huffed, scrubbing his hands together between his thighs, refusing to look at the other man. 

“I wouldn’t have seen you this winter solstice you know? If you had been there?” Loki decided to open up about himself instead, knowing that they were alone in the guest library, having dragged a table over to be in a beam of light. James looked up at him but didn’t say anything, grey eyes shining in the sun. “I have one of those you see? Its why I have my hair long, you play with it enough you have probably seen it. My Father doesn’t like being reminded about it.” He sighed, picking up a piece of paper between long fingers and folding it into a little swan. “Do you know that a soulmate can be more than one person? Sometimes a soul is split between a few bodies, people that are bound to be tied together, people that will be there to help if something goes drastically wrong? That is why there are soulmates, because they need each other. They need each other to heal and to find peace. But there are some cases, where there is only one whole soul, split between two bodies that need each other like they need air to live. It’s a dramatic way of the universe fucking people over but it is what it is.” Loki shrugged, making another swan slowly, running his nail over the folds. “My Father doesn’t like the idea of me being happy apparently, so he sent me to live with the druids for a while, hoping that I could ignore it all you see? But damn it’s hard.” He put the birds together and handed them over to the young knight. “Don’t toss it away James, I know it’s hard, I know it’s not allowed but gods don’t hurt yourself over it, you’ll only hurt him too, in doing so.” 

“What if he doesn’t want me?” James was so quiet that Loki almost missed him, reaching out to curl his hand around the others comfortingly.

“He does, trust me on this ok?” Loki brushed James’ hair from his face gently. “He’d be stupid not to.”

“Thanks Loke’s.” James tried to smile but it was small and not really there, but Loki was going to take it as a win.

“Go get him.” He shoved the others chair with his foot, sending it spilling backwards and catching it just before it went over completely with magic, cackling at the yelp that James let out. 

“You’re lucky you’re a useful asshole.” James pointed at him, tossing his book down dramatically and making the paper birds scatter across the table. 

“You’re lucky I put up with you, I could always leave you with Thor?” Loki raised an eyebrow and suddenly James was at his side, kissing his cheek quickly. 

“Even you aren’t that evil.” He chuckled, watching the other roll his emerald eyes dramatically.

“And you normally only kiss me when you’re drunk, want to confess something?” Loki teased and James bowed, winking at him before going to find the blond Prince. 

***

 

They hadn’t found each other until dinner it seemed, both searching for each other around the grounds of the castle made it difficult after a while and they had given up, falling into the room awkwardly, both hesitant to go to the other immediately, even if they wanted to. James could just see Loki threatening him with his eyes over Steve’s shoulder, making a little green smoke dagger point at him from his seat with his family and James stole his resolve, pointing to the hallway. Steve led the way, hands in hi pockets as he arched into himself. 

“Look…”

“I’m sorry.” They stopped talking at the same time, smiling tentatively at one another until James opened his arms, letting Steve cur into his body, right where he should be. 

“I’m sorry I stormed out Stevie, I needed to calm down, you didn’t deserve that.” James nuzzled the others hair gently, rocking them both to the side gently, feeling the tension leave his shoulders.

“I’m sorry I shouted, I don’t own you James, I just got jealous and I had no right to.” Steve shook his head, leaning back in his arms slightly, raising his hand to brush a strand of hair from the others face. 

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have shouted at you, I shouldn’t have left your birthday either that was a dick move, move on?” James tiled his head to the side, eyes open and earnest and Steve couldn’t say no, nodding with a smile and sighing out the last of the stress between his shoulders. 

“Yeah, were good.” He nodded, reluctantly pulling away to point into the hall. “Hungry?”

“Always.” James beamed at him and something inside him warmed, unable to fight the smile spreading across his own cheeks. 

***

“You didn’t do it.” Loki was waiting for James when he walked into his room, scaring him enough to take out the books neatly arranged on the end table.

“Fuck Loki! Stop doing that!” He shouted, clutching his chest dramatically as he ben to pick up the books, dropping them on the wood loudly.

“Why didn’t you tell him James?” Loki pushed, backing his friend up to the wall, pinning him there with a hand on either side of his head, spreading his fingers against the wall. 

“Because we just made up ok? He let me hug him, he was just as sorry as I was and damnit you’re making it hard to think Loki!” James shoved him but he didn’t move, simply stood still. “There’s nothing to you, how are you so strong?”

“I have power, not strength like you or Thor, I know how to hold myself.” Loki growled, stepping closer again before sweeping down, picking James up and throwing him over his shoulder, making him shout and clutch onto him, fingers digging into his hips. He carried him to the others bed, dropping him on it unceremoniously and crawling on top of him, pinning his wrists above his head. 

“For God’s sake Loki I understand ok? You can throw me over your shoulder and man handle me all you like but right now I’m not in the mood.” James groaned, huffing out as he watched the other sit back on his hunches, between James’s legs and hold his hands out to the sides. 

“You don’t though James, all the times we’ve messed around, all those drunken kisses and stolen moments, has that ever felt right to you? Do you feel half as good curled up with me as you do with Steven? Do you feel the calm come over you that you do when you draw him into your arms? You know all these years, all these nights we’ve spent together, you’ve always said his name in the night? Whilst you sleep with me you say his name, you can literally have sex with me, curl up covered in my seed, but you still whisper his name when you close your eyes.” Loki pointed out to the other and watched all the colour drain from his face, mouth flapping like a fish out of water but Loki held up a finger to him. “I know, I have known for years that you are his James, the same way I knew that you wouldn’t be mine in the long run and I am ok with that. It’s just friends cooling off, letting off drunken steam and working ourselves out. That is fine we never said it wasn’t and I do not regret that James, I hope you don’t either.” Loki reached out to caress the other man’s cheek, curling his hand under his jaw and leaning down to kiss him gently, almost like breathing the same air and only touching lips out of luck. “But you must tell him how you feel James, you need to or you’ll just be miserable your whole life.”

“I could never regret you Lokes.” James shook his head, hand coming up to up the others cheek where he hovered over him, breathing him in like it was the end of something, something they were both aware of but didn’t want to say. “I’m sorry.” He whispered and Loki shook his head, long hair falling over his shoulder as he did, smiling sadly. 

“Like I said James, I’m in the same situation. We both knew it would happen eventually.” He traced the others lips with the tip of his finger, leaning down to kiss him properly, pouring the last of his affection into the action, melting together with years of practiced ease. James’ hands wrapped around his hips, drawing him closer so that he could slot between his thighs, holding most of his weight over his chest. Loki tangled his fingers in James’ tunic, tugging it open as far as I would go and kissing his collar bone, nibbling gently as he did.

“Loki.” James moaned, hips bucking up into the others, grinding up into him, suddenly feeling just how final this was. After this, nothing more would happen, his whole friendship with the Mage would shift, and he hoped beyond all other belief that t wouldn’t hurt them. They had known all those years ago that nothing could ever really come of their little sexscapades but it was a nice fantasy when things got bad. And he was about to give that safety net up, jumping without the other to catch him, jumping head first down a waterfall, with no promise that anyone would ever catch him again, especially if Steve decided he didn’t want to have him, didn’t want to change their dynamic. But damn he couldn’t keep playing Loki like this, couldn’t use him to let off steam any more, it wasn’t fair on him.

“I know James, I know.” The other whispered into his neck, rolling his hips down into the man under him. “You’ve grown so beautiful James, you have really filled out into the body you have, you are so gorgeous, no one else can tell you differently.” Loki kissed his cheek, leaning away and off of the other man, being dragged back on top of him again almost instantly by a hand in his shirt. Teeth clashed momentarily, growls passing between heated lips as they fought for dominance over the kiss.

“Loki, you are so perfect, you know that? Whoever gets you is the luckiest bastard in the world.” James panted against him, rucking the Princes shirt up and over his head quickly, fingers dipping into the front of his trousers to pull him closer again, lips finding the soft skin of his pale neck, licking it before peppering it with kisses. Loki wiggled on top of him, forcing the knight’s shirt off of him with a growl, kissing his way down his toned chest and stomach, licking along the muscles dividing his stomach up into little squares. He loved feeling the other underneath him, he moved so well, attuned to each other’s moves perfectly and able to work out what was wanted at the slighted incline of a head, or tap of tips of fingers. He hated that he was giving this up, hated that they couldn’t be together, couldn’t be happy in the long run together, but he also knew that whilst they would be content, they wouldn’t be completely happy. They were both fucked over my fate from the start, and they wouldn’t be truly happy until they admitted to that fact, taking the leap they needed to. 

“James. James what do you want?” Loki murmured, hands splayed out over the others tanned hips, thumbs meeting in the middle where he pressed down gently, the gasp leaving his partner perfect against his lips. 

“I want you, but I don’t have much time do I?” James whimpered, fingers tangling in Loki’s shoulder length locks, tugging them behind his ear and scratching the back of his skull. 

“No, you don’t sadly, we don’t. I’m expected back soon.” Loki shook his head, turning to kiss both the palms cupping his head. “We leave in the morn, we have to prepare for the road.” 

“Naked, Loki, both of us, now.” James gasped, arching into Loki’s hands when they slid his trousers down his legs, pressing a sloppy kiss to the tip of his cock, straining against his underwear dangerously. His eyes flashed dark, teeth glinting in the dying light from the sun outside and something warm twisted in James gut, right until those perfectly straight teeth latched onto the tops of his underwear, dragging it down and over his erection, letting it spring free and smack him on the stomach. 

“You look lovely in this light James.” Loki purred, crawling back up his body once he discarded his underwear, letting the other reach and undo his leather trousers, pushing them down his long legs and scratching the skin there as he did. Long red lines appeared on the creamy skin behind his nails, almost like he could get away with marking him up, and settled a pale pink, matching the shade his cheeks had taken on wonderfully. 

“You are perfect, my Paper Prince.” James flipped them, so that he could nibble on Loki’s hip bones, so sharp against his creamy skin, leaving bright red bruises in his wake. He was always possessive of the other, wanting him covered in marks like he had any right to own him, but it seemed to never be a problem for the other, the man stretched out sinuously beneath him, and he kept indulging. “You mark so pretty for me.”

“You just like me marked up, like you own me.” Loki moaned, fingers tugging the hairband out of James’s hair completely, digging his hands into the curling locks and tugging, hard, whining when the other got the hint. James licked down his cock, moaning around the base as it cured his tongue around it as far as possible, getting it nice and wet the whole way up. Once he was content with that he went back to the tip, sucking in the head until Loki’s feet hooked over his shoulders, heels digging into his back to push him down. Smirking around a mouthful of cock was something they had both gotten good at over the years and he used it to it’s full effect, winking at the red-faced Prince before sinking the whole way down his length, swallowing once it hit the back of his throat to stop himself gagging. “Fuck James, no one will ever be as good at that as you.” Loki pated, canting his hips up slightly as he relaxed completely, pink tongue wetting his lips frantically when he started bobbing his head. 

“You can train them I’m sure.” James popped off enough to say it, kissing his tip before swallowing him again, bobbing shallowly and drawing out the pleasure as he pulled back, sucking hard to get the whines and whimpers out of the other he knew he loved so much. Loki wasn’t one or letting his emotions show most of the time, so James revelled in the chance to get them out of him, aiming to have him screaming by the end of any of their activities.

“Fuck, fuck James come here, here please.” Loki whimpered, letting his legs drop from those broad shoulders reluctantly, making grabby hands at the other until they slotted together again, lining their cocks up next to one another as they rocked together like teenagers. “Gods I’m going to miss you.” Loki whispered against his lips, licking into the others mouth instantly, eyes slammed shut like if he couldn’t see him, he couldn’t lose him. 

“Fuck yes, Loki you’re so good, so perfect, don’t forget that.” James whispered back, scarred hand finding it’s way down between their bodies to wrap around both their cocks, it being surrounded by the mages a second later and slick falling between them to make the glide better. Both men groaned, biting into the opposite shoulder as they fucked their joined hands frantically. “No one can change how perfect you are Loki, no one.” James could feel the tears slipping from his eyes, drawing inn ragged breaths as he hid in the soft neck offered to him, sucking marks on his shoulder where he could hide them later to stop the sobs that wanted to escape. Loki wasn’t much better, breathing heavily through the need to confess something, something that neither man would ever admit. They had been through so much together, they had dealt with everything, keeping in touch regardless of how far apart they were, how long it took till they saw each other. Nothing ever felt like it was right when they didn’t see each other. The halls of Asgard were always so quiet when James left, or whenever they were separated for lessons, and being together was as easy as breathing, but it wasn’t ever going to last. They both knew it, wanting to make the ending less painful, but it wasn’t actually helping. 

“James, please, kiss me.” Loki gasped, feeling a dark something curl in his stomach, free hand coming up to wipe the matching tears from the knight’s eyes, murmuring against his lips as they crashed together, sobbing against each other as they did. Their hands had slipped, locking their fingers together around them and with one final squeeze they finished together, painting their bare stomachs with white, hot seed, leaving them empty and panting against each other’s mouths. James refused to move from his spot over the mage, drawing his cum soaked hand away from their spent dicks and kissing his knuckles, cleaning them both up with his tongue. When he had gotten it all he kissed the man underneath him, feeding it back to him, hating the taste of salty tears he found on his lips. 

“Thank you, Loki.” James whispered when they finally parted, eyes locked onto one another as they got their breaths back, hearts beating frantically in their chests as they pressed into each other. 

“Thank you, James.” Loki kissed his cheek, lapping gently at the tear tracks there, bringing his free hand, not trapped in James own, to wipe the rest away, kissing both his cheeks and eyelids lovingly. “You are amazing, Steven is a very lucky man.” He felt like something was punched out of his chest at that fact but it was ok. He knew it was coming, he knew that Steven would succeed in the long run, that he was only temporary, even if James never made him feel like it. James had been perfect to him, helped him learn that he could love himself and that they could be happy. He would be eternally grateful for that. 

“I was the lucky one, getting you for even a short while.” James smiled sadly, eyes red from crying and cheeks flushed but there was an honest smile there and Loki felt his heart twist, capturing his lips one last time before letting him go, using his magic to make them both clean again. “Loki?”

“Yes?” He turned to his companion, having swung his legs over the side of the bed and was confronted with small James again, young, insecure and worried James, a look he hadn’t seen for years, and his insides melted.

“Stay? For just a little while?” He scratched nervously at his arm, bunching the covers up around his hips to hide himself now that they were parting. He blinked slowly up at the man who drew back the covers, getting in and opening his arms, jumping at the opportunity to curl up with him one last time, head on his broad chest, arms around his waist tightly.

“How could I say no to those eyes?” Loki half teased, pressing gentle kisses to the others crown when he settled completely. He was glad that James had asked for cuddles, he always wanted them after any form of sex, it would have felt wrong leaving without them. They didn’t say anything for a while, simply stroking each other’s skin, drawing patterns and pictures against the soft flesh and snuggling closer, watching the sunlight dip lower in the room as time passed.

“James?” Loki whispered, kissing his forehead when he looked up sleepily. “I have to go.”

“I don’t want you to.” James admitted, fingers digging into the Princes side who smiled sadly at him, carding his hand through his hair gently, one last time drawing down to kiss him, completely openly, lips melding together perfectly.

“Maybe in another life I won’t have to, my Sweet James.” He sighed, wiggling free of the man’s hold because if he stayed any longer he’d never leave again, which wouldn’t help either of them. 

“Goodbye my Paper Prince.” James called, bundling the covers up around himself as Loki got dressed, taking James cloak as opposed to his own, hoping that the other could take comfort in it, delighted in how much like James it smelt when he wrapped it around his shoulders. 

“Keep well James.” Loki leant over and kissed his hand, backing out of the chamber swiftly so as to not be tempted to go back. He could hear James crying the whole way out. 

***

“Anyone seen James?” Tony tapped Clint’s shoulder when he realised that James wasn’t in sight. They were gathered to see the Asgurdian Royal Family off, in full armour that Tony had made for them, and he wasn’t around. He was always around to see them off, especially after the amount of time he had spent with Loki over the week.

“No, you?” Clint half turned, watching as the family appeared out of the throne room. Then they realised that James was walking next to Loki, Sir George with the Kings head guard as well. He looked solemn, as did the Prince next to him, but they turned and hugged, a little too tight for it to be inconspicuous, before bowing, letting him up onto his horse. The horse itself was a large black mare, soft star on her forehead which James made a quick fuss of, mumbling to her and making the Prince laugh, soft smile gracing both mens lips momentarily before a trumpet blew and they parted, smiling gently at one another as they company set off.

Steve watched the way James’ shoulders slumped, almost caving in under the armour when they disappeared, turning away from his father and towards the stables, quickly weaving through everyone who was going back to their daily lives again now that the last of the visiting royals had left. He didn’t stop when Tony called, only waved at him, fakest smile he had, plastered on his face like it could fool anyone at all. Something was wrong, Steve could feel it in his gut, and he had a niggling feeling it was something to do with Loki. 

***

James caught Beast with ease, walking him into the stable block silently after having dropped his armour off in Tonys privet smithy, and the horse kept nudging him, knowing something was up. 

“Hey Boy, I know, just a bit sad, wanna go for a walk through the woods? I think the air would be good.” He murmured, leaning into his stead gently, inhaling his warmth and comfort. Beast nodded his head, nuzzling James’ side gently in affirmation, nickering softly. “Ok, well do that, get you brushed first yeah?”

Leaving Beast next to his stall James went to the storage room, grabbing his brushes and the fine leather bridle he had bought, knowing that he had ti get the horse to take it at some point. 

“You hiding or can I come with?” Steven startled the young knight, making him drop his box of brushes whilst he clutched his chest.

“Gods Steven.” James shouted, catching his breath and half glaring at the Prince. “You are too good at that.” He growled, grabbing his box again and pointing a finger at the younger man who was smirking to himself. 

“You don’t really mind.” Steve announced, taking the bridle from his friends hands and carrying it back to the horse who head butted him in greeting.

“I’m not…good. Not at the moment.” James scrubbed his hand up and down his scarred arm, refusing to meet the others eye as he started brushing the horse, making quick work of tidying him up.

“You want me to go?” Steve offered, voice small and hurt even if he tried to cover it up. He hated that James didn’t seem to trust him anymore, hated that they had grown so far apart and that there wasn’t anything he could do about it. 

“No.” James sighed heavily, leaning against the wall and covering his eyes. “I just don’t know where my head is at the moment Steve.”

“Wanna get a picnic and go to the clearing?” Steve came around the horse and pressed his hand to the others arm, making him tilt his head down and look at him.

“Yeah.” James sighed heavily again, scrubbing his face and grabbing Steve’s horses halter. “I’ll get Cap, you go get food?” He asked and Steve smiled at him, saluting and turning in his heel. 

Captain was an old horse, more mature than the rest of the block, a stark white against the rest of the guards collection. He was only just bigger than a pony. Quite fine with kind eyes and a mountain of mane. He was happy to plod about with kids on all day, be fussed over or left for weeks on end, and was perfect for the Prince who didn’t get to ride very often. 

“Heya boy.” James cooed, watching the animal clamber over to him, nuzzling him until he produced a treat, like he always knew he would. “Yeah yeah you know me. You want to go for a nice ride boy?” He lead the horse in and brushed him down, tacking him up quickly with saddle bags by the time Steve came back, carrying two lunches and a bottle of something. 

“Hey, I was successful!” He held up the stuff and James cheered, taking it from him and filling up the saddlebags with the food, raising his eyebrow at the wine bottle. “I thought you may need it.”

“You may be right.” Jame chuckled, handing the reins over to the Prince and helping him up to the saddle, tightening his girth and slipping Beasts bridle on, leading him towards the forest. 

There wasn’t their usual chatter, simply James talking quietly to Beast when he started to play up, soothing him out as they went.

“You and Loki are close.” Steve broke the silence as they entered the clearing, failing at making it sound like casual conversation. 

“Yeah.” James shrugged, helping the Prince off of his horse and letting him roam without tack on, both horses circling each other slowly before grazing lazily. 

“I get no more?” Steve prompted when James took the stuff they bought down to the edge of the little lake. There was a slow waterfall over the wall, the area almost circle around it, encased by trees and soft grass. He laid the blanket out on the ground, flopping down to start pulling things out of the bags without answering, ticking his legs under himself before answering. 

“Yes. Loki and I are close, we’ve spent a lot of time together but I don’t see why that’s a problem?” James looked up at Steve who was still standing a little way off, watching how tense James’ shoulders were, the solid wall between hem feeling even bigger than before. “I told you I wouldn’t be great company Steve.”

“Why have you blocked me out? I can take it, just tell me.” Steve felt his voice rising and watched the other carve inwards, shoulders slouching as he looked away from the prince, picking at the grass dejectedly. 

“Look, I don't want to, I just don’t know what to do anymore.” James muttered, stiffening when Steve sat next to him, pouring a glass of wine each and handing one over. 

“Nothing has changed James.” Steve made him look him in the eye and watched the pain filter through his friends blue eyes, reaching out to touch his cheek but he never got the chance, James skirting out of his range easily. 

“That’s just it Steve. Everything has changed.” James downed his whole glass, tucking himself up again. “Loki doesn't expect things. We have always been easy around each other, everything was mutual, but with you, with you its different.”

“Why? Why is it different? We’ve known each other our whole lives James, you’re my best friend! Why won’t you tell me whats wrong?” Steve screeched, smacking the ground in annoyance, both horses looking at him momentarily before going back to grazing. 

“Because we don’t have a choice.” James broke, shouting back and grabbing Steve's wrist, lining it up with his own, making both their soul marks visible. “Do you have any idea what this is? What this means?”

“What?” Steve looked between them both, watching the way James trembled, drawing back away from him to suck in a shaking, shuddering breath, mouth covered with his hand and back curled almost painfully. “James?”

“That’s just it. You don’t know, everything is better if you don’t know Steve. You can be happy, you can move on, you have such a brilliant life ahead of you, with other people, with ladies and children, and you can be happy.” James was struggling to keep his voice level, it cracking somewhere in the middle. “You can. I cant.”

“What do you mean? Are you leaving, is something wrong?” Steve suddenly started panicking. He never saw James like this unless he was so ill they thought he was going to die, or that he couldn’t beat the fever and James was frantically trying to cool him down, tears running freely down his face. Neither of them ever spoke about it and it had stayed that way for years. 

“I should be. It would be easier if I wasn’t here.” James grabbed the bottle, swinging it up to his mouth, ignoring his discarded glass completely. 

“James!” Steve grabbed his arm, shaking him until he turned back to him, tears glistening on his cheeks. “What is it?”

“You can’t feel it can you?” James was suddenly very quiet, lips parted as he breathed between them, eyes flicking from Steve’s to his lips and back again. 

“Feel what James?” Steve force himself to not look away from the bright eyes in front of him, watching as pain flickered through them again. He hated it. He hated that he was the reason his friend was in pain, hated that he couldn’t seem to stop it, and most of all hated that the other was talking in riddles.

“This.” James pressed his hand to Steve's cool cheek, letting his thumb drag over his cheek, down the bridge of his nose and over his plump lips, dragging the bottom one down and watching it pop back into place again. “This comfort, this contentment. Its so easy to be with you, but you clearly don’t feel the same way I do Steve. And I have to deal with that, I know its my problem, not yours but fuck its hard. So hard to know I could never be what you want, even if I'm exactly what you need.”

“What do you mean James?” Steve reached up to curl his fingers around his friends wrist, thumb dragging over the darker patch of skin under it, just like he did to his own so very often. “Why are you not what I want?”

“You have never shown any interest in me Steve, you never really show it for anyone, but I know it. You would have known something drastic was off if you did.” James drew his arm away, grabbing a roll and starting it so that he had an excuse not to talk. 

“You’re my best friend James. You know me better than anyone. Why didn’t you tell me?” Steve watched James curl up on himself again, eyes cast out over the small pool of water. 

“Would it have made any difference?” He muttered, finishing his roll and not turning back. Steve clocked him, checking the outline of his profile, so sure, soft and familiar, sharpened over the last couple of years to make way for high cheekbones, a more chiselled jaw that was currently bare from any shadow. And at that point Steve realised that a lot had changed over the course of their teens. 

“I don’t pay you enough attention for the fact that you always look out for me.” Steve shook his head, tilting towards his friend who looked at him out the corner of his eye, bright blue eyes dark with something Steve realised he’d seen far too often recently. “You always look out for me, you always have, I'm sorry I've been so useless when it comes to reading people. I never used to be useless at reading you though. What changed?”

“I realised something you didn’t.” James sighed, grabbing the wine bottle and downing it as quick as he could to stop anything slipping again. 

“What? What did you realise James? Why don't you want me anymore?” Steve almost shouted, hands coming out to his sides as he swung around to face the man opposite him. 

“I do want you Steven! I want you too much! That’s the problem!” James shouted back, slamming the bottle down to turn to the Prince, eyes burning with unshed tears. “For Gods sake Steven that’s the issue.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you?” Steve almost growled, bracing himself up on his knees to level his view with James, who screeched and threw his arms out, gripping Steve’s arms to drag him closer, face inches apart as he seemed to catch himself, letting go and pulling away again, licking his lips dangerously. Steve realised that James was heaving for breath, and after taking a couple of seconds realised he was too, heart thundering in his chest terrifyingly fast. 

“Because you don’t. You haven’t even realised whats going on for the last few years.” James shifted, grabbing the bottle again, only to have it stolen by the Prince who took a large swig then put it out of the others reach. “Steve.”

“James.” He countered, eyes sharpening , shoulders stiffening as he faced off with his oldest friend, daring him to retaliate. He watched the way James crumbled, watched the way he deflated, shoulders dropping, head tilting down, hands drawing into his lap as he avoided looking back at the other. “James. Please tell me what I don’t know.” He softened his voice, reaching out, ignoring how he flinched to press his hand to his face, letting him lean into the touch, just like Steve knew he would. “Let me back in Jamie.”

“I love you Steven.” James whispered, eyes lifting from the floor to Stevens face who was deathly still, hand falling gently away. “And that’s why I didn’t say anything.” James curled up, arms around his knees as he drew them to his chest, tears slowly tracking down his cheeks. 

“James.” Steve hate how his voice cracked, unable to control the way his heart was still dramatically spiralling inside his body. 

“I knew I shouldn’t have said anything. But I know you wanted to know why. It’s because it hurts. It hurts knowing that I will never be good enough for you, never be strong enough, never considered your equal, I will never be enough.” James cuffed his face, scrubbing his palm over his cheeks to catch the tears there. “That’s why I’ve been moving away, that’s why I’ve been stepping back. Because you won’t ever want me that way, even though fate says you should and fuck it Steve it hurts knowing the only person I will ever really want doesn’t need or want me.” James sobbed now, openly covering his face because of the tears streaking down it. Steve felt his heart tug painfully, desperate to console his friend, to wrap him up in his arms like he had done so many times before but it felt wrong. What if that was why James felt like he did? Because they never cared about touches being over friendly, even if there were rumours and whispers amongst the folk about it. So he kept his hands to himself even as it hurt him, kept his pat on his friends shoulder to a minimum, wanting to comfort but also not wanting to confuse him. That seemed to be worse, making James shudder, shaking shoulders caving in further as he buried himself into his knees, sniffling loudly as he did. Steve whimpered gently, wrapping his hands around his own knees to stop himself from slipping into the others lap in desperation, heart and head telling him that James was hurting, he was hurting and it was his fault and he needed to fix it. Now. But did he want that? Did he want to let his friend have false hope? He knew he loved James, he was his best friend, knew that it was a blurry line between loving him as a friend and as something more, but was a line all the same. Did he deserve to be happy with James? They couldn’t, not in the long run, Steve was expected to marry and take over the kingdom, he had to marry a woman for child bearing purposes, but James knew him, knew him inside out. Had been there through every illness, every near death, every cold night where he just couldn’t get warm on his own. 

Suddenly James being in love with him didn’t seem so far fetched. 

“How long?” Steve picked at the grass, unable to look at the other, heart hammering away like he had run the length of the castle corridors. 

“Forever?” James snorted, chuckling under this breath and dragging his sleeve over his face. “I don’t know when I admitted it, I thought I could handle it for a while, but I haven’t ever wanted anyone else really, yeah sure Loki and I got along, we always have, but I think even he knew it before I did. I’m such a mess, you deserve better Steve. A pretty woman who can keep you happy and give you kids and why the hell have the Gods screwed us over so badly? It’s not fair.” He concluded, getting a grip on his breathing finally, focusing on the waterfall.

“Why are the Gods involved?” Steve asked, blinking slowly at the man who wouldn’t look at him, cheeks flushed as he let the facts ease over him. In response James simply pulled up his sleeve and flipped his wrist, letting Steve really see the dark mark on the inside of his wrist. “It matches mine. Why?”

“Because someone thought it would be fun to play a practical joke on us.” James sounded so defeated, so painfully hollow that Steve whimpered again, giving in and pressing his body up against the others side, needing to touch him, to comfort him even if he was the problem to begin with. 

“Why?” He whispered, grabbing his wrist and lining it up with his own mark, thumb brushing Jamess gently. 

“Soulmates aren’t something we can choose, we know that much even if it’s a uncommon occurrence. I’ve researched it.” James let his eyes close, sucking up the others comfort like a sponge, wanting nothing more than to hold him and never let go again. 

“Soulmates?” Steve turned to him completely, eyes wide as it settled in his mind. What was he talking about? Soulmates were an old wives tale. They were told to the ugly children to make them feel like they may one day find someone to love them, but James was being serious wasn’t he?

“Yeah.” He nodded, still not looking at Steve, avoiding his questioning gaze. “Im ninety percent sure that’s what it is.” 

“Ninety?” Steve parroted, realising his hands were shaking. “Only ninety?”

“Well yeah. The fact you don’t realise something is up, that's what stops me.” James finally looked over at him, tears drying on his face. 

“I’ve known something was up. I’ve noticed things were off but I also had no idea what it was James. You could have told me.” He reached out, wiping away the tears on James's face, clearing the latest wetness from his lashes. 

“You could have said something Steve. I’ve felt so hopeless, so useless because I couldn’t be what you needed.” James closed his eyes, leaning into the touch as much as he dared, not wanting to loose the feelings that came along with it. The rush of endorphins, the warmth in his chest bubbling in a way he had gotten used to not having it recently. It was just what he needed, what he wanted, but he had a twist in his heart, a steel rod shoved through half of it stopping him relaxing completely. “I understand. I do. But it still hurts that you don’t want me.”

“I do. James I do.” Steve moved to curl up again his friends side. The hope that openly flowed across Jamess face was enough to steel Steve's resolve, kneeling up to cup his cheeks in both cold hands. “I never want to loose you you idiot, but I don’t know if I can give you want you want. I want you. But I don’t know how.” The shadow fell back across James’ face, making Steve bite his lip hard, desperate to ease the pain there. 

“I can deal with that, just, stay with me sometimes? I need the company even if it means nothin to you.” James resolved, blinking slowly, shoulders raising in the calming breath he forced himself to take.

“Always.” Steve bit his lip and curled up against James chest, head tucked under his chin and hands fisted in the front of his shirt.

“Thank you Stevie.” James whispered into his hair, arms curling tightly around him, comforting and safe and everything Steve realised he had been missing. He relaxed, breathing in his scent, his soulmates scent, letting the idea sit in his head, spreading out to all the dark crevasses that he rarely let out, sunning them in the fact that even if he didn’t know what it really was he had something, a connection to James which no one else ever would. That thought was why he was smiling, even when they parted to finish their lunch.

 

***

 

Steve wasn’t sure what he was expecting. James had known for a while apparently, but other than the other being around much more nothing seemed to have changed in their relationship. They were laughing, hugging, joking and messing with each other just like they used to, however the smile on James face seemed more genuine, shoulders more relaxed, he was far more protective as well, seriously slipping into his job as guard. 

Right up until it happened. Right up until the war letter arrived, bought by a haggard boy, clothes ripped, dried blood on his horses legs as he galloped into the courtyard. Guards slipped in front of the King and his family where they were walking but they could see he was no threat, helping the man, more of a boy really, off his mount. He was shaking, falling asleep on his feet as he handed over the scroll, letting a guard carry him to the infirmary with no fight at all. The royal advisor read the note, shaking slightly when he turned to the King, handing it over with fear dug into his features like Steven hadn't seen before. The Prince leant back into his mother who wrapped a delicate arm around him, drawing him flush to her side. 

“Go fetch Sir Barnes and the knights please.” The King ordered one of his mages and they scurried off to do so, bowing and never turning his back on the Royal Family. 

“What is it Husband?” Sarah reached out to put a hand on his shoulder an hd leant into the touch, sighing heavily. 

“War.” 

 

***

 

“When do they require us your Majesty?” Sir Barnes handed the letter over, the final letter, asking them to honour their treaty and joint them in the fight against the metal Kingdom, to meet them, with Asgurds army, and take on the bullies of the realm. The land knew that even though they realms were pretty evenly divided, no one overly fussed about taking on more land due to old treaties and agreements, that the Metal Kingdom was causing problems. They were power hungry, waning more to themselves, not allowing other lands court members in at all. James had been there before, when he was very little and Sir George had been part of the Kings high guard, but something happened, and they had been forcefully evicted, he hadn’t gotten more than that. Luckily the Knight had been familiar with this King, had some favour with him and had been quickly integrated within their own realm, no one even batting an eyelid about the change. Winnifred and Sarah had been friends for years and they frequented each others courts a lot, so the boys grew up together which they were thrilled about. But now it was all coming to a head. They needed to sort them out.

“Within the week.” The King ran his hand over his face tiredly, already dreading it. He didn’t want to go to war, no one actually did, but it was becoming increasingly obvious that they had no choice in the matter. 

“Then we will send the letters out. We leave four days from now and then that gives us two days travel time.” Sir George put the scroll on the table and Steve snatched it, reading quickly as he let the words sink like lead in his stomach. They were going to take his friends. They were going to take James away from him and he didn’t even have the option of going with him. 

“I think that best.” The King nodded, waving them all away and everyone left with a bow apart from the Prince and James who was hovering behind him nervous, almost like he wanted to challenge the King about sending him away. 

“Steven?” The King raised an eyebrow at eh death glair his son was sending him, eyes stormy as he fought to keep his control.

“You aren’t sending James.” Steven announced, testing the water and the King only just held back a snort. “He is my knight, he is going to be the head of my guard, he stays with me.”

“He can hardly be your head guard one day if he hasn’t seen a day of war. He knew what he was getting into when he agreed to take on training as a knight of the realm. He goes.” The King stood, nodding at James who bowed deeply, holding the position until he was out of the room.

“No.” Steve declared, folding his arms over his chest in his seat around the table, kicking his feet agains the leg defiantly. 

“Stevie.” James started, circling around him to lean against the table, levelling the Prince with a soft gaze. “I don’t have a choice, he’s right, when I signed to do my knight training I agreed to go to war for you. I don’t regret that, I cannot look after you if I don’t know what I’m facing.” He reached out and cupped the Princes chin, smiling gently. “I’ll come back.”

“What if you don’t?” Steve stated, gripping his wrist a little too tight, pleading bleeding into this expression. “What then?”

“Then you find a knight who can look after you the way you deserve.” James sighed, opening his arms and Steve stood, curling his face into the mans broad chest and whimpering slightly when both of them wrapped bak around him. 

“You’re the one I want though.” He whispered, pressing into his neck as if to hide from the responsibilities that they both faced.

“What you want isn’t always what you need.” James curled tighter around him, whispering the words his mother used to tell him when he was having a hissy fit, or overly upset over something he couldn’t control and Steve knew this. Knew the words so well it always sounded like Winifred when he heard them.

“I need you though.” He whispered back, bottom lip starting to shake when he drew a breath and James instantly knew something was wrong.

“Hey hey hey, I need you too Stevie, you know that, come on, lets go to your rooms shall we?” James leant back to cup both sides of his face, desperate to kiss the worry from his face, ease the upset between his eyebrows, make him smile again like they had not too long ago. He hated seeing his soulmate in distress.

“Ok.” Steve shuddered a breath, clinging to James for a few more seconds before allowing himself to be lead from the courts, pressing a little closer to James than strictly necessary but he didn’t care, not when he could only have four days left with him. 

 

***

They were both quiet in the Princes quarters, curled up with Steve’s feet in James lap who was petting them absentmindedly as they both read. Steve was finding it very soothing and very distracting at the same time. 

“Do you think that you will be gone long?” Steve put the book down and James did the same, sliding his arm along the top of the sofa to curl it around his shoulder.

“There are five if not six armies called to the war, against one Kingdom. Which seems a little excessive, and makes me feel like they know something we don’t, but all the same they cannot win. We will win and we will be back as soon as possible. I don’t want to go Stevie, but it’s my duty.” James sighed, shifting and wrapping both arms around the Prince finally, dragging him into his lap so that he could bury his face against his warm neck, inhaling the sent he found so soothing.

“But there will be casualties.” Steve pointed out, hands white knuckling around his friend’s arm as he thought about the fact that there would be, and that James could be one of them. 

“I’ll have Clint and Tony to back me up. We make a damn good fighting trio.” James scratched the Princes short hair affectionately. “Well keep each other safe.”

“No. You can’t go James.” Steve whined like a three-year-old and James kissed his temple the way his mother did when he was being bratty, causing all the complaints to stop almost instantly. He blinked up at him owlishly and James blushed, pink blooming over his nose at how damn cute his Soulmate looked, wanting to bundle him up and cover him in kisses and affection. 

“There. You are being dramatic. There will be casualties but I will not be one of them. I have you to come home to why would I let that go for something as stupid as dying?” James teased, poking his nose with the tip of his finger before dragging it down his cheek. 

“James?” Steve sniffled, dragging his hands down his Soulmates chest, fingers digging into the fabric over his stomach.

“Yes Stevie?” James cupped the man’s jaw, making his glistening blue eyes look up, capturing them whilst his thumbs wiped tears from his impossibly long lashes. 

“Mark me?” He whispered, fisting his hands and yanking his friend forward, lips a hairsbreadth from the others, whimpering at the fact he got no instant response.

“Stevie…you know I want to. You know I want nothing more than to cover you in marks and possessive bites but I can’t. You know I can’t.” James whispered, wrapping his hands around the back of Steve’s head and dragging him into a kiss to hide the whimper that escaped the smaller man. Salty tears covered their lips as they clashed desperately, hands dragging over any and all skin they could touch, panting against each other and whispering little words between them. 

“Please, bed, Jamie.” Steve whimpered, getting lifted easily and carried over to the bed, laid out gently and kissed as he was. “Please.”

“Shh Baby I got you.” James kissed him and slowly made his way down the Princes body, pushing up his shirt and kissing his chest gently, careful of the way his breast was heaving with excitement. 

“I love you James.” Steve panted, cupping his soulmates chin and kissing him deep, relishing in the feeling of the others body on top of him, even if he knew it wasn’t his full weight. 

“I love you too Stevie, I’ve loved you for forever.” James whispered against his lips, worrying his bottom lip gently. 

“James!” There was a loud bang on the door and James groaned, pushing himself up off the bed and going to the door, face like thunder to let Tony know he wasn’t impressed, but the man was a mess, panting and covered in a thin layer of sweat, hair a mess and eyes slightly wild. “We got to go. Now.” 

“What?” James all but shouted, catching Steve as he leant into his side to see what the commotion was, hand tightening around his waist possessively.

“Their army, its moving faster than we thought, it’s too close to wait we have to go, all of us, now.” Tony caught his breath and pulled Steve into a hug, wrapping him up tight. “You stay safe, we have sorted you a second guard, the men who guard your father are coming, and I think you’re moving to your mothers chambers just in case as its going to start getting cold.”

“You have to go now?” Steve curled into his short friend, holding him tight as he could.

“Yeah, everyone’s being called. Clint has the horses ready.” Tony let go, patting his shoulders. “Well see you soon though!”

“Ok Tony I’ll be down in a tick.” James found his voice and closed the door after getting a nod, picking his Soulmate up and kissing him, desperate to savour his taste and feel, hands splayed over his back, hip and thigh. 

“Stay safe Stevie, I’ll see you soon baby.” James whispered, picking up his cloak when Steve let him go. 

“I can’t get into trouble here, you’re taking all the stupid with you.” Steve sniffled, leaning into one last kiss.

“I’m with you till the end of the line.” James chuckled, cupping his jaw before he strode out of the room, not able to look back for fear of never seeing him again.


End file.
